THE HOUSE OF BACKWARDS.
INT. NEWSROOM. TED (60) IS PRESENTING THE NEWS.
TED:
A man was found backwards last night after he fell up four flights of stairs. Noel Leon found himself rolling about on the landing in agony after tripping over the ceiling of his four storey house.
Our reporter Isaac Wilde is outside the house now. What can you tell us Isaac?
ISAAC:
Good evening Ted. Well we have spoken to some of the neighbours who tell us that Noel Leon the current tenant of the house has never seen eye to eye with the house itself. People have said that they have heard Noel, who is a bachelor and lives alone, having blazing arguments in the dead of night. They believe that he and the house simply don't get along.
CUT BACK TO TED:
TED:
That's as may be and while it's perfectly plausible to have an argument with a house it doesn't explain how he managed to fall up four flights of stairs.
ISAAC:
The story we are hearing again and again is that the house is built on an old mirror. It is believed that this mirror causes strange backward and opposite events to take place in and around the house, such as falling up stairs.
With me now is Kenneth Nek who is the minister for house's, mirrors and houses of mirrors. He also owns the house. Mr. Nek would you lend any credence to this story of the mystical mirror?
MR. NEK:
The credence's I'd be lending to that story would be minimal at best. If my credence was say £20 million I'd lend about 10p to this. Of all the credence's-
ISAAC:
If we can just get back to the point. A lot of people have a lot more belief in these backwards manifestations and simply point to the upside down tree directly outside the house as an example of this.
WE SEE A TREE WITH THE ROOTS ON THE TOP OF THE TREE.
MR. NEK:
Why that's obviously just...just one of those...aaam trees that flourish when they are planted the wrong way up. I can assure you that this house is as human as you or I and certainly has no "magical" properties.
AS HE SAYS THIS A MAN WALKS HIS DOG IN THE BACKGROUND. WHEN THEY REACH THE HOUSE THE DOG IS IN CONTROL OF THE LEASH WITH THE MAN IN FRONT TROTTING ALONG. ONCE THEY PASS THE HOUSE IT REVERTS BACK TO THE NORMAL WAY AROUND AGAIN.
ISAAC:
Can we go inside?
MR. NEK:
Oh God, am let's see....whew, ah...we could, if ah, do you....Ooh yes of course.
THEY ENTER THE HALLWAY AND WE SEE A LARGE CLOCK RUNNING BACKWARDS. THEY THEN ENTER THE LIVING ROOM WHICH HAS ALL THE FURNITURE ON THE CEILING AND A CHANDELIER ROOTED TO THE FLOOR.
ISAAC:
Wow this place is amazing! Ahem. So Mr. Nek how do you explain the number of strange occurrence's that has taken place in and around this very house?
MR. NEK:
Strange occurrences? I have no idea what you are talking about.
ISAAC:
The tree, the previous tenant Miles Selim almost drowned in a house fire. There have been reports of mirrors mimicking your movements rather than reflecting them, blizzards in the sunroom and there was the story of the tenant who opened up a malfunctioning radio to find tiny broadcasters asleep inside.
MR. NEK:
All extremely isolated incidents. Why I could count on ten hands the number of unusual happenings that have occurred.
THEY CLIMB THE STAIRS TO THE SECOND FLOOR AND FIND THEMSELVES LOOKING UP AT THE FIRST FLOOR.
ISAAC:
How do you explain this?
MR. NEK:
Give me a minute and I'll come up with something.
ISAAC:
I think we should look for this old mirror.
MR. NEK:
No!!
THE HOUSE BEGINS TO SHAKE.
TED: (IN STUDIO)
Isaac it looks like the shaking is isolated to just the floor you're on. If I didn't know any better I would say that there is an earthquake on the second floor. You'd better get out of there quick!
MR. NEK:
Quickly to the straightforward room!
THEY RUN TOWARDS THE ROOM WITH DEBRIS FALL AROUND THEM.
ISAAC:
But surely if it's straightforward and things are backwards it's-
THEY SLIDE INTO THE ROOM AND CLOSE THE DOOR. IT'S DIMLY LIT BUT THE ROOM IS NOT AFFECTED BY THE EARTHQUAKE.
TED: (IN STUDIO)
There seems to be a blizzard developing and a fire. How are things in the straightforward room?
ISAAC: (TURNED WITH HIS BACK TO CAMERA)
All's fine actually.
CUT BACK TO TED WHO NOW LOOKS ABOUT 30.
TED:
Isaac you're faced the wrong way.
ISAAC TURNS AROUND BUT IS NOW MR. NEK.
ISAAC:
Finally a moment of normality.
TED:
Isaac there's something wrong with you, you're not who you are.
ISAAC:
What do you mean?
TED:
You're about to be engulfed by snowy-fire and earthquakes! You don't have much time!
ISAAC IS NOW HIMSELF AGAIN BUT HE AND MR. NEK HAVE SWAPPED CLOTHES.
ISAAC: (TO MR. NEK)
We've got to leave! Is there another way out?
NEK:
Yes. Yes there certainly is not another way out.
TED IS NOW ABOUT 4 YEARS OLD.
TED:
You've got to get out of there now!
THE EARTHQUAKE, FIRE AND BLIZZARD CAUSE THE STRAIGHTFORWARD ROOM TO BEGIN TO CRUMBLE.
CUT BACK TO NEWSROOM WHERE TED IS NOW 60 AGAIN.
TED:
A man was found backwards last night after he fell up four flights of stairs. Noel Leon found himself rolling about on the landing in agony after tripping over the ceiling of his four storey house.
Our reporter Isaac Wilde is outside the house now. What can you tell us Isaac?
ISAAC:
Good evening Ted. Well we have spoken to some of the neighbours who...
END.
