NJ Reject - The one I was really proud of

JUSTINThe equalities minister Lynne Featherstone claimed last week that the church doesn't own marriage, the people do. To get the Church's view we've invited in Catholic Priest and outspoken activist against same sex marriage, Father Homer Fobic. Father, how do you respond to Lynne Featherstone's comments?

PRIESTShe's wrong, wrong, wrong. God made everything, including marriage. We are God's church, therefore we own marriage. So there.
(BLOWS A RASPBERRY)

JUSTINBut do you accept that the Church's views come across as a little antiquated...?

PRIEST(CUTTING IN)
I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la.

JUSTINFather Homer, Father.

PRIESTNope, not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la.

JUSTINFather Fobic adopting the Catholic Church's standard debating tactic there. Well, whilst we wait for the Father to grow up, we'll take a short break... I wonder what I have for lunch?

FX.OPENING TINFOIL

PRIESTIs that a... beef and gravy sandwich?

JUSTINYes, with horseradish too, my favourite.

PRIESTIt's mine.

JUSTINNo it's not, that's, that's my sandwich.

PRIESTGod made it, therefore it's my sandwich.

JUSTINGod didn't make it, my wife did.

PRIESTYes but who made the bread, hmmm?

JUSTINWell, Greg's.

PRIESTYes but who made the ingredients, God did, God did. (BLOWS A RASPBERRY)

JUSTINFather Fobic, you can't just use 'God made it' as an excuse to claim ownership over anything you want.

PRIESTYes I can, it's just like taking candy from a baby, which is pretty easy.

JUSTINYou didn't... you haven't taken sweets from children?

PRIESTI have, they're God's sweets therefore my sweets.

JUSTINBut it's a baby.

PRIESTAnd who made the baby?

JUSTIN(Awkward clear of his throat.)
Well when a man loves a woman very much...

PRIESTI know all about the birds and the bees, thank you. I may be celibate but I do understand the finer arts to copulation.

JUSTINAs I'm sure your choirboys can testify.

FXOPENIN DRINK CAN

PRIESTGod wants your Orange Tango too.

JUSTINJust take it.

I like that one.

This is very good, economical funny, good characters and a very original take.

Only improvements is drop the paedo reference and the homer phobic line is weak.
But I'd be interested to see what take they foundthat's bette.r

Certainly get it out to treason and nr (with paedo reference left in)

Shame it didn't make it

I like it too. Must admit that story past me by though

This was really good. It must be tough to see things like this get rejected.

Lovely idea, just needed a bit of a rewrite.

Awww shucks, thanks guys. Must admit I was quite disappointed I missed out this week, but at least I'm getting better! I think I know how I can write a better sketch next week, so there is still plenty of time!

In general terms, that's how to do it though. One strong idea, the Church's view is that they/God own everything, with half a dozen gags spun from it. Often, the rejected sketches I see on here don't have one clear idea behind them. Instead, they're often a collection of two, three or more half ideas welded together. Keep it simple.

The Homer Fobic line was a cheap gag that should have been ditched. So minus points for that. But keep going!

Yeah, I'd agree here: needs a tidy-up, but is a good sketch. As it went on, it got better, I thought and the 'man loves a woman' and 'just take it' were spot-on in tone.

Nice one.

Dan