Nb classic error don't over explain, people will guess you mean the black cast members in the help
Explaining it kills it
Billy Crystal's rejected Oscar jokes Page 2
Quote: sootyj @ February 28 2012, 9:04 AM GMTOk its an intriguing idea old jewish jokes written by an excited 14 year old
And the jokes aren't bad, just a bit over written and your imitating the style rather than doing any with itEspecially liked the artist joke
By the over-writing do you refer to the pre-amble included at the start? I thought it was funny that a writer would think they would need to write the mumbling half-set ups at the start of a one-liner.
Quote: Marc P @ February 28 2012, 9:05 AM GMTIsn't this your whole act Sootyj?
Get the comic toolbox book in it's entirety if I were you Sam. It's a good read.
"The Comic Toolbox: How to Be Funny Even If You're Not" by John Vorhaus?
No the aping his mannerisms makes the jokes clunkier then need be
Quote: sootyj @ February 28 2012, 9:10 AM GMTNo the aping his mannerisms makes the jokes clunkier then need be
Jewly noted.
Quote: masterfox20 @ February 28 2012, 9:09 AM GMT"The Comic Toolbox: How to Be Funny Even If You're Not" by John Vorhaus?
That's the fellow.
Edited the original jokes down, getting happier with them. Still two I'm struggling with.
NB: Marc, you do realise I was taking the piss when I said "C'mon guys! This is zeitgiesty!", right?
Re NB. Yes and no. It kind of cuts both ways you see. One of the first lessons I learned about telling a joke was never ever apologise for it in advance. In this way it is a lot like sex.
Quote: masterfox20 @ February 27 2012, 10:52 AM GMTIn honour of last night's ceremony, I thought I'd write this.
Obviously it's a parody of the easy-target pummeling championed by the Gervais school of presenting.
Ones that (I think) work:
"I know I'm hosting this year, but I'm a little behind on some of the movies: I thought that "Moneyball" was something that Whitney Houston had been smoking."
GREAT NEAT ON THE BALL SO TO SPEAK
"Is Tom Cruise in the audience tonight? He is? QUICK! KATIE HOLMES, MAKE A BREAK FOR IT! WE HAVE ARMED POLICE HERE, WE WILL PROTECT YOU!"
STILL CLUMSY,
MAYBE
"Is Tom Cruise in the audience? Hey Tom! Is Katie Holmes in the audience? Run!""One film I did enjoy this year was The Artist, it was just so great. A masterpiece. (wait for applause to die down) I haven't been that enthralled by a silent movie since watching Tom Cruise's home video of Katie Holmes' vagina giving birth."
STILL A BIT LONG
"The Artist has moved me like no other silent movie. Except Tom Cruises one of Katie Holmes giving birth.""...aparently the conception was silent as well."
"Are there any Scientologists in the house tonight? Let's see a raise of taxes..."
EH?
"Hey how about Angelina Jolie? I heard she loved The Help so much she kidnapped have the cast."
NEAT, BUT I'D SAY "ADOPTED"
Need work:
"And how about Spielberg's War Horse? I haven't seen war horse get such a good reception since those Gooks we brought back from Nam."
TOO CLUMSY TOO MANY LEAPS MAYBE
And how about Spielberg's War Horse? I haven't seen war horse get such a good reception since those Gooks OUR TROOPS FUCKED IN Nam."
"Some great films nominated this year, especially in the Foreign Cinema category. Although apparently Syria co-financed "Jack & Jill" which Obama has considered an act of war."
Quote: masterfox20 @ February 28 2012, 9:25 AM GMTEdited the original jokes down, getting happier with them. Still two I'm struggling with.
NB: Marc, you do realise I was taking the piss when I said "C'mon guys! This is zeitgiesty!", right?
As Marc says jokes are like sex.
Don't ask for laughs, demand them!
I think the joke re War Horse was a play on Whores and Horse but it isn't to clear. it is the plural and the singular that confuses.
Whey-Hey!
Just when I thought this place was dead, a bolt from the blue.
Good work all around chaps.
You nailed the Holmes/run joke. Can't remember what I was going for with the "Let's see a raise of taxes..." joke! I'll excise it.
Your War Horse revision was pretty much my exact original joke, I tried to make it sound less harsh which was silly really as it's still about gang-raping a POW.
"The Artist was a masterpiece: I haven't been that enthralled by a silent movie since watching Tom's home video of Katie Holmes giving birth." Better? There's definitely a funny joke in there somewhere.
Quote: Marc P @ February 28 2012, 10:43 AM GMTI think the joke re War Horse was a play on Whores and Horse but it isn't to clear. it is the plural and the singular that confuses.
Yeah it's much easier to say "I finally saw Spielberg's War Horse; I still preferred Vietnam's...", I guess.
I think that's much better.
Quote: masterfox20 @ February 27 2012, 10:52 AM GMT"One film I did enjoy this year was The Artist, it was just so great. I haven't been that enthralled by a silent movie since watching Tom's home video of Katie Holmes giving birth."
Liked this.
"Are there any Scientologists in the house tonight? Let's see a raise of taxes..."
and this
"Hey how about Angelina Jolie? I heard she loved The Help so much she kidnapped have the cast."
and this.