This is the best of what I sent.
This story was aired on The Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2.
Mr Smith has a very strong Lancashire accent. He speaks with a voice that has been created through years of smoking. He sounds a bit like a seventies comedian. I could imagine him starting with "My mother in law is so fat.....".
Host
It seems that the disturbing and tragic story of the family whose house burned down in Oldham after they held a candlelit vigil for Whitney Houston is not an isolated case. In fact the phenomena of celebrity death/household accident in Oldham is proving to be an increasing problem. To give us some more insight in to this we are honoured to be joined by Oldham town councillor Mr Thursday Smith. Mr Smith, that's an unusual name?
Mr Smith
(surprised) Smith? (realises) Oh yes, Thursday. My father gave it to me.
Host
Were you born a Thursday?
Mr Smith
No. Apparently when I was born, 'E took one look at me and then looked at me mother. Then 'E said to 'Er "I think we had better call it a day".
Host
Oh, now Mr Smith it seems that Oldham is the centre of this worrying celebrity death/household accident phenomena, can you tell us more?
Mr Smith
Yes I can. 'Ere in Oldham we associate very closely with 'Ollywood.
Host
You do?
Mr Smith
Yes. There are lots of similarities between 'Ollywood and Oldham, for example both our names begin with O and L and that is probably why we feel so many of their disasters so closely.
Host
Because both your names begin with O and L?
Mr Smith
Yes.
Host
Doesn't Hollywood begin with an H?
Mr Smith
Not round 'Ere it don't. Forget the eych it's 'Ollywood innit? But it is not just because of that. There are lots of stars who live in 'Ollywood and we 'Ave stars in Oldham too.
Host
Can you give us an example?
Mr Smith
Yes errm, Meryl streep (beat)(non convincingly) probably lives in 'Ollywood and (very sure) Sarah Lancashire comes from Oldham.
Host
Any More?
Mr Smith
Certainly. Look at this week Whitney 'Ouston lived in 'Ollywood. Both N-Trance and Inspiral Carpets are from Oldham and Lisa Stansfield comes from Rochdale, which is only a minute or two down the road.
Host
Right. Well can you give some more examples of accidents in the town following celebrity deaths?
Mr Smith
I can. On the Saturday night in September of 2009 following Keith Floyd's death we had a speight of people been admitted to A and E for drink related problems.
Host
Is that unusual for a Saturday night in Oldham.
Mr Smith
Not normally no. But it seems that one of these people on this particular night 'ad been drinking wine.
Host
Wine, Really?
Mr Smith
Yes and there's more documented evidence. After the death of Michael Jackson we 'Ad a lad who tried moonwalking. 'E was at 'Ome at the time and 'E fell down the stairs. 'E gave 'Imself a nasty gash on 'Is 'Ead.
Host
Right.
Mr Smith
That's why I am trying to rebrand Oldham as "The 'Ollywood o' the north".
Host
Don't they call Toronto the Hollywood of the north?
Mr Smith
Yes, so I am actually branding it as "The 'Ollywood o' the north o' the north of England".
Host
The Hollywood of the north of the north of England?
Mr Smith
Yes.
Host
But strictly speaking aren't you in the southwestern corner of the north of England?
Mr Smith
Yes but "The 'Ollywood o' the north of the southwestern corner o' the north of England" would sound silly wouldn't it?
Host
I suppose it might.
Mr Smith
So "The 'Ollywood o' the north o' the north of England" is better.
Host
I see.
Mr Smith
In fact I went to 'Ollywood the other year for two weeks in an official capacity on a fact finding mission to look at twinning Burbank and Oldham together.
Host
Really, and how did that go?
Mr Smith
To be 'Onest not very well. I took Cannon and Ball with me and after Bobby said "Rock on Tommy" and also accused Tommy of "Deep down really, really hating him" for the fiftieth time everything sort of became a blur.
Host
Mr Thursday Smith. Thank you.
