SATANIST
Oh lord Beelzebub we bespeech you and all your horrid demons!
You who are the lord of the flies!
To recognise the marriage of these 2 people in unholy matrimony!
TONY
So that's what the wedding blessing sounds like?
JEFF
Can we write our own vows?
SATANIST
Well yes. But we at the Church of Satan would prefer you make some mention of corrupting youth, blaspheming the church and defiling the innocent.
JEFF
That's a little bossy. We just wanted to say how we met working at Starchucks.
TONY
And how Jeff isn't just a sweet, caramel latte, he's my grande sweety latte.
SATANIST
Oh yuck! Look it's bloody well upto you if you want to marry in a Satanic church.
JEFF
Oh but we want to marry in a church, any church. It's for our parents really.
TONY
And the Christian church is being beastly. Do you do catering?
SATANIST
Well a sacrifice of 3 chickens and a black goat is traditional. The whole congregation imbibes the blood.
TONY
Is there a vegetarian option?
SATANIST
No!
JEFF
Right that's it we're off to the Scientologists.
TONY
Gays are always welcome there.