NJ Reject - "John Terry"

Justin intro:

Now, football. And like the rest of the nation, we here at NewsJack are gripped by the competition for the title of England's premier racist. I'm sorry - the race for the English Premiership Title. [I submitted this line as a Correction also...naughty] If there's one thing we have learned about football in the past few months it's that when a Premier League footballer crosses the touchline onto the pitch it is not the only line they are going to cross.
Being middle class I am unable to talk about racism without worrying that I am in fact being racist just by talking about it - so to address the subject we needed to find a bigoted, moronic, charmless, unpleasant Neanderthal to talk with. We were not sure where to look in English football to find such a person, so here instead is John Terry.

John Terry (generic east end football voice):

[sniffs] Wotcha.

Justin:

John Terry, what position do you play?

John Terry:

I'm a defender.

Justin:

Funny, I would have thought you were on the right wing. And to get on in football did you need to have a trial?

John Terry:

Yeah, mine's in the summer. I'm not worried though - at Chelsea we are known for our strong defence - we use "some of my best friends are black" - not much gets past that.

Justin:

And on the pitch, what is your biggest challenge?

John Terry:

Well, sometimes, your opponent gets the flippin ball, and runs down the bloomin wing, init, and sends in those blinkin passes sent into the penalty area. Luckily I'm used to handling flaming crosses - but they are hard to defend.

Justin:

Is it true that most Premier League footballers are racists?

John Terry:

Yeah, yeah that's right.

Justin:

[surprised] Sorry, you admit that racism is rife in the game?

John Terry:

Wha'? Oh, nah, nah, nah. Sorry - I thought you said "rapists".

[Another top tip is read your work - I cobbled this together at 2am and seem to have put the "trial" gag in it twice...]

Strong defence line was great, and the punch would have worked a treat if Ricky Gervias had not used a variant of it on Life's Too Short. (Just to clarify I am not accusing you of plagiarism; I am pretty sure I was the only person still watching LTS by that point.)

that is a very long intro - I try to keep it to 3 or 4 sentencess. & I'm torn on subject because I have not heard much sport stories on newsjack but last series a series producer said he would like to cover more sports on the show on a webchat

There were some good gags in this and it works relatively well. I certainly laughed as some of the funnies were well-executed. And I did like the rapists confusion BUT, like Timbo, I immediately thought of Life's Too Short too.

Dan

I'm guessing there was a Life's Too Short gag about rapists/ racists or footballers?

BTW - thanks for the feedback. I thought the flaming crosses gag was too contrived, but I liked the solid defence one - lessons here are these are probably wrong format/ medium

I liked the flaming crosses gag; I think they just avoid most sports stories unless it's really, really high profile. Shame the court case wasn't on.

Yeah LTS did the rapist/racist thing.

Dan

Funny. Few points:

- It's a little too set-up/punch-line/set-up/punch-line without enough to connect the last punch-line to the next set-up. It comes across contrived and it gets a bit tiring.

- Ends a bit suddenly without closure. Having Justin say something like, "John Terry, thank you for talking to us," after the punch-line would help.

- You don't need to include directions on how the voice should sound - the voice actor knows he should sound like John Terry because the character is John Terry.

Like a lot of your corrections and Jack Apps, btw.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ February 29 2012, 8:59 PM GMT

- It's a little too set-up/punch-line/set-up/punch-line without enough to connect the last punch-line to the next set-up. It comes across contrived and it gets a bit tiring.

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Thanks Yacob

Agree on this point - many of mine are a bit like this and I can't seem to shake the tennis rally format. It also gets a bit tiring writing them.