JUSTIN Love it or hate it, the Sun newspaper is the Marmite of print journalism, it's bottom of the barrel and if you used it as toilet paper you'd probably develop a yeast infection.
But media mogul Rupert Murdock has finally announced the launch of Sun on Sunday, a decision so long predicted that even Nostradamus saw it coming.
To get the exclusive on this story we thought we'd follow in our print-cousins' footsteps and hack someone's phone; let's have a listen.
JAMES (RECORDING) James Murdock, leave me a message
FX BEEP
RUPERT Jim? Jim? Struth I bloody hate voicemail, it's got me in enough bloody trouble. Jim it's your old man, Sun on Sunday is really getting my knickers in a twist. It's like my dad used to say you can chain a bunch of monkeys to typewriters but all you'll get are some angry monkeys and a lot of faecal covered paper. And if I wanted that I'd have bought the Daily Mail. Now sort it out!
FX CLICK
FEMALE VOICE Next message
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RUPERT
Jimmy it's your old man again. Just letting you know I've informed the staff about the Sun on Sunday. And I've also told them that if we find any evidence of criminal activity we'll be handing it over to the police.
(CHUCKLING)
I keep telling the accountant that I'm serious.
(LAUGHING)
He's crapping himself.
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FEMALE VOICE Next message
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RUPERT Jimmy, me again. You're right, it's like what I said at that select committee last year...
(SILENCE)
FX SNORING
FEMALE VOICE Next message
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FX MORE SNORING
FEMALE VOICE Next message
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RUPERT
(STARTLED WAKING UP SOUNDS)
What the koala? Where the bloody kangaroo am I? Is this still on? Jimmy before I forget, the Leveson inquiry's been riding me like Blackpool donkey on a day out to the pleasure beach, so bring the haemorrhoid cream.