NJ 22 New Cardinals

JUSTIN: Amid allegations of nepotism and money-laundering, Pope Benedict the Sixteenth has recognised twenty-two new Cardinals in a ceremony at St. Peter's. To spare the increasingly frail head of the Catholic church the long walk down aisle, the Pope entered the basilica on a rolling platform.

BENEDICT XVI:Hey my feet they do not move, yet the walls they go past. Look. It is a miracle. At last. There is a God! I always said so! Give me five!

BERTONE:No Papa, no miracles. Like this morning your breakfast is not-a speaking in tongues. It's snap-a, crackle and pop.

BENEDICT XVI:Who are these people?

BERTONE:These are the new cardinals you are to recognise Papa.

BENEDICT XVI:[FIRMLY] No. No I do not recognise any of them.

BERTONE:But Papa...

BENEDICT XVI:No more I recognise anyone. Who are you?

BERTONE:I am Cardinal Bertone, your success... your aide. Now Papa you must bless the new Cardinals.

BENEDICT XVI:Ah bless you. Where are your from my son? Ah Italia. And you? You are also from Italia. And you? They are all Italians, wops like you. They are your "nephews" right? You been jiggy-jiggy?

BERTONE:No Papa! That no happen no more. These are Vatican officials. Good men. Men who will know which way to vote when, um... when, um... any day now.

BENEDICT XVI:Where are the new cardinals from Africa and Asia?

BERTONE:This is Cardinal Tong, Papa.

BENEDICT XVI:He is not Chinese, he is holding his fingers in the corner of his eyes. And this one he is wearing boot polish.

BERTONEapa the next Pope must be an Italiano. Someone who understands how things are. Our congregation they make this plain to me.

BENEDICT XVI:Who is this in our congregation?

BERTONEons of the church. From Sicilia and Napoli. And Chicago. Investors in the Vatican Bank.

BENEDICT XVI:No, no, no. There must be no more of the dangling from bridges.

BERTONEapa we need-a the business. The Italian Prime Minister he is making us pay tax of three quarter billion euros.

BENEDICT XVI:But Signor Berlusconi, he say if I absolve sins we not pay taxes - I absolve my fingers to the bone.

BERTONE:He is Prime Minister no more, Papa.

BENEDICT XVI:Ah, so sad.

BERTONEi, we all miss his parties.

END

I like this. It's funny and well-written. I guess if there is a criticism it may be that it lacks a bit of focus.

Dan

Cheers Dan, when my contributions disappeared of the bottom of the page without comment I began to wonder if I had missed the mark altogether.

Probably right about the lack of focus; I was trying to shoehorn in a lot of related stories and angles without overdoing the exposition. Also might not have helped that the main story did not have a high news profile, while I suspect that offending religious sensibilities may be a no-no for NJ!

Yeah, have to say I didn't notice the story in my troughing through the papers...

Dan