This was probably the pick of my sketches. I tried to reference a couple of other stories.
JUSTIN:
It's never nice to see grown men fight; that's why I always liked to watch Audley Harrison. David Haye and Derek Chisora will almost certainly meet in the ring to settle their differences; here's a sneak preview of Chisora's training camp.
CHISORA:
I'm going to have that Haye. He's going down.
TRAINER:
How are you going to do it Del?
CHISORA:
I'll get into his head. At the weigh-in I'll slap him. Then pre-fight, I'll spit water at him.
TRAINER:
We all like a slapper Del, but no-one likes a spitter. What are you going to do to win this fight!
CHISORA:
I'll hire someone who can work magic with a weak defence, maybe Harry Redknapp's lawyer.
TRAINER:
No! It's offence that will win you this fight. You need to beat him like Sean Penn beat Madonna if his dinner was cold.
CHISORA:
Got you. I'm going to punch him in the face.
TRAINER:
No, you've got it all wrong. You've got to go for the toe.
CHISORA:
The toe?
TRAINER:
That's right. That's where he keeps his power. He's like an upside down Samson.
CHISORA:
Kenny Samson?
TRAINER:
No, the one with Delilah.
CHISORA:
Tom Jones?
TRAINER:
No! The guy whose power was in his hair. Haye's strength is all in his toe. Just bump it, bruise it, say mean things about it, and he'll change. He'll stop throwing punches.
CHISORA:
That would be like fighting a little girl.
TRAINER:
It didn't do Sean Penn any harm. And he's now the political voice of our generation.
CHISORA:
OK, I'll do it. After I take the toe out will he still be able to block my punches?
TRAINER:
No chance. He'll be unable to defend himself, like Sean Penn after making Shanghai Surprise.
CHISORA:
Why all the Sean Penn references?
TRAINER:
I'm very, very old.
