German President (Newsjack reject)

GERMAN PRESIDENT

FORMER GERMAN PRESIDENT CHRISTIAN WULFF IS IN A BAR; WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY FOLLOWING HIS RECENT DOWNFALL.

CHRISTIAN:
Oh God, I'm such an idiot!

PETER MANDELSON WALKS OVER.

PETER:
You need to turn that frown upside down, old chap!

CHRISTIAN:
Peter Mandelson?

PETER:
(TO BARTENDER) Two vodka and tonics please!

CHRISTIAN:
What are you doing here?

PETER:
I've come to cheer you up!

CHRISTIAN:
I take it you've heard then?

PETER:
You mean about the home loan scandal which cost you the German presidency?

CHRISTIAN:
Well, yes - that! (GROANS) I'm finished, aren't I?

PETER:
Nonsense! Listen, if I can come back - then YOU can come back! After all, this is politics - not the real world! In this game - you get second and third, and fingers crossed - even FOURTH chances!

CHRISTIAN:
Fourth?

PETER:
2015 - watch this space!

Quote: groovydude89 @ February 23 2012, 6:31 PM GMT

PETER MANDELSON WALKS OVER.

PETER:
You need to turn that frown upside down, old chap!

CHRISTIAN:
Peter Mandelson?

View original

I don't think this sort of Direction/intro
Works that well.

I'd try to find a different way of introducing the character.
or set it up in an intro

That's not a radio sketch you've written. You might be telling the reader what's going on, but how will that translate to an audio medium? Peter Mandelson walks over - how will the listener know that? There's a bartender - how will the listener know that?

You either need Justin setting up the story (with a joke or too) or you go straight into a sketch, with the characters telling us who they are/where they are from the off.

Regardless of the content, I'll be rejected because it's not a radio sketch.

As RJ says.

I would also add that it is not really a sketch, it is a long set up for a single gag. The idea is one that you might have done better to use as the basis of a one-liner.

This sketch is definitely the worst of the three I submitted last week.

If I could back in time, I'd rewrite it as an interview sketch with Justin and Peter Mandelson.

You could do it with F/X cues and a decent Justin intro, rather than by interview sketch.

That said, Tim is right in that it's far too long a set up for a single gag.

Dan

This is weak. You need to make these sketches much, livelier, more surprising and funnier.

There really isn't much in Mandelson and the German president having the same financial mistake.