SCENE1
INTERIOR RESTAURANT EVENING
TIM is waiting in a standard Indian restaurant. He is wearing a neat business suit. His hair stylishly short, periodically he irritably glances at his Blackberry.
He is sipping periodically from a glass of red wine.
WAITER walks upto TIM
WAITER
Would sir like to order anything else whilst he waits?
TIM
No thanks, she'll be here soon. Half an hour late is practically early for her.
WAITER NODS AND WALKS OFF TO ANOTHER TABLE.
TIM ABSENTLY TAPS AT HIS BLACK BERRY.
JEN BUSTLES IN, MULTI COLOURED DREDS, LONG ETHNIC SKIRT, LIKE A COLORFUL FORCE OF NATURE.
JEN
Sorry I'm so early Tim!
TIM
Your not. You're half an early late.
JEN
Oh Tim what are you like? It's under an hour, have you forgotten?
TIM
No I haven't. I'm just different.
JEN
I'll say, where's the nose ring gone? And the facial tattoo and are you wearing a suit?
TIM
It's been a while.
WAITER approaches.
WAITER
Ah good to see you miss. Can I take your order?
JEN
Is your milk organic?
WAITER
I beg your pardon miss?
JEN
Does it come from a free, happy cow, raised on love and kindness in a field of pure ammonia free grass?
WAITER
Well it's from a cow that much I know.
JEN
Then I'll have a glass of water. Evian preferably.
WAITER walks off
TIM
Jen don't make a scene.
JEN
You never used to mind. In fact you used to join in, Tim you have changed.
TIM
We all need to grow up.
TIM nervously fiddles with his blackberry, JEN reaches over and firmly puts her hand over it and pushes it onto the table.
JEN
Please stop that. Tim what happened to drama school?
TIM
I grew up when father died. I dropped out in year one and transferred to accountancy. Some one had to be a grown up.
JEN drops her head in her hands and begins to sob.
WAITER turns up places a small bottle of evian and a glass on the table.
Whilst TIM and JEN are distracted WAITER flicks a small piece of pink matter off of his shoe before stamping on it hard enough to catch TIM and JEN's attention.
WAITER
Shall I come back later.
JEN
No we might as well order. I'll have the peshwari nan, the mango lassi and the chicken korma.
WAITER
I'm sorry miss but you are aware all of those dishes contain milk?
JEN gives the waiter a laser beam stare.
WAITER
Peshwari nan, mango lassi and chicken korma. And for sir?
TIM
Just a glass of evian and a green salad thanks.
JEN
He'll have the Rogan Josh, all the extras and we'll have 2 pints of lager.
TIM
But Jen.
JEN
You're paying, I'm ordering.
TIM
Right you are. We never used to pay, this'll be the first.
JEN
We were young. We were free. We were performance artists. We never paid.
TIM
Yes we'd offer to do the washing up.
JEN
I'd flutter my eyes and they'd let us off. No one wants to look a meany when you're in the presence of true love.
TIM
What changed?
JEN
You did.
WAITER arrives with their food on a trolley. Something pink falls off of the trolley, this time it begins to crawl away before the waiter catches up to it and stamps on it.
JEN and TIM are distractedly gazing at their hands in silence.
JEN
Oh goody the food is here.
TIM
Yes goody. I think they were never that happy about us not paying. I wonder if those waiters ever had to pay for our meals?
JEN
There fault for working for the man?
TIM
What man?
JEN
Capitalism, profit, the man or woman who owned the restaurant.
JEN jumps and imperiously struts around the restaurant.
JEN
Look at them, look at them all. With their mortgages, their jobs, their little petit bourgeoise dreams. Wake up people you're all going to die one day! Wake up!
The other diners embarrassedly look at their dinners and avoid eye contact.
One small girl points at JEN and laughs. Her mother hushes her.
TIM embarrassedly is tapping at his blackberry.
JEN storms over and slaps it out of his hand.
JEN
Stop doing that! Stop doing that and look at me. Look at me whilst we're both still alive!
TIM has his head in his hands and seems to be sobbing quietly.
JEN picks up TIM's blackberry. She is about to hand it back to him when she takes a look at it.
In the quiet various customers are leaving and putting money on their tables.
JEN
Oh you.
TIM looks up and smiles.
TIM
It's a shop model. Fooled you! Like I'd ever drop out of drama school; I figured if I could convince you I was a capitalist oinker I could convince anyone.
JEN
Oh you.
WAITER walks up to them.
WAITER
Is everything ok, there seemed to be a disturbance?
TIM
Everythings fine. Except neither of us can pay. You see we're young and
JEN smiles up at TIM
JEN
..and in love.
TIM
Could we do the washing up for you in lieu of payment?
WAITER
We do prefer payment. If you left your phone you could maybe pop to a cash machine?
TIM
Oh it'll be fun. We're really very good at the washing up.
JEN
Or we could chop veggies up what ever. Just like in the movies.
TIM
Yes just like in the movies.
WAITER
Ok come with me. Just like in the movies.
TIM and JEN look at each other sharing an "that's unexpected turn up for events" look.
They follow the waiter into the kitchen. The doors that slam behind them seem ominously thick and would appear to have a rubber seal which makes a shushing sound.
SCENE2 KITCHEN INTERIOR EVENING
TIM and JEN follow the WAITER through a busy restaurant kitchen. They pass by a busy sink where kitchen porters are doing the washing up,
As TIM, JEN and the WAITER pass through the kitchen it would appear to be utterly vast. Almost like an aircraft hanger, far bigger than the modest restaurant requires.
TIM, JEN and the WAITER carry on pass where kitchen porters and chefs are preparing vast quantities of vegetables.
TIM, JEN and the WAITER pass through a section where huge pots are bubbling on a gas range. The lids would appear to be sealed down with thick chains. Even still the lids seems to be struggling to control something within them.
TIM and JEN are looking very pale. JEN is strangely quiet. TIM and JEN instinctively hold hands.
TIM, JEN and the WAITER have now reached the end of the kitchen. The WAITER unlocks the door, it opens with a noticeable waft of air like an airlock. It opens very slowly, as it is very thick.
The WAITER indicates for TIM and JEN to follow him.
TIM
Is the washing up down there?
TIM JEN and The Waiter descend the stairs into the dark. Before stepping into bright, blinding light.
The basement is huge, filling the centres is a pink pulsating mass of living flesh, it has thick rope like blue veins that pulse rhythmically.
It has a tiny shrivlled chickens head, and dozens of shrivelled cows legs. It seems to be breathing in a thick pained manner.
An army of waiters in hazmat suits carve chunks of it's flesh off onto trays, they are using chainsaws. Periodically a chunk slips off and tries to crawl away. The waiters then beat said chunks till they mewl piteously like scared kittens. (they beat them with special electrical batons, what ever this substance is they don't want to touch it).
TIM
I thought we were going to do the washing up.
JEN
I thought this was going to be like the movies.
WAITER
I like different movies.
A dozen waiters in Hazmat suits grab JEN and TIM and drag them towards the creature.
They see 2 other waiters carrying upstairs the corpse of a man and a woman. Both seem to have been drained and desiccated like human raisins.
TIM looks at JEN he is weeping.
TIM
Oh Jen at least, at least.
JEN
At least you finally said you loved me. At least I go to my fate knowing that.
TIM
No Jen. At least we didn't order a desert. Then we'd really be in trouble.