Another neglected entry for anyone interested.
I wrote it on the last morning and couldn't really get a good ending.
I rather loosely interpreted the brief to be 'inspired by the role that the monarchy plays in our lives'.
At least, I wrote about Prince Charles without calling Camilla a horse!
INT. NEWSNIGHT STUDIO
JEREMY PAXMAN IS INTERVIEWING PRINCE CHARLES.
PAXMAN:Tonight, on the eve of his accession to the throne, we are very pleased to welcome to the studio, Prince Charles - very soon to become King Charles 3rd.
CHARLES: Good Evening. No need to tug a forelock.
PAXMAN:I was scratching my head, Your Royal Highness. Tomorrow, your mother gives the Royal Assent to the Act of Parliament confirming her abdication. What are your thoughts tonight?
CHARLES: About bloody time. I can stop having to justify my existence.
PAXMAN:Has it been a long and frustrating wait?
CHARLES: Not at all. Your researcher kept me supplied with cherry brandy.
PAXMAN:As a hard-nosed interviewer, despite being a grovelling subject hoping to see his name in the Honours List, I have to ask you this searching question, Sir.
CHARLES: (Correcting) Your Majesty.
PAXMAN:Your Highness, did you threaten your mother, the Queen, that you would emigrate if she did not abdicate?
CHARLES: I did not emigrate.
PAXMAN
id you threaten your mother, the Queen … Oh, forget it, life's too short. What do you say to people who believe you threatened to live abroad?
CHARLES: (In the voice of the Goon - Neddy Seagoon) Hello Folks!
PAXMAN
o, tomorrow you meet your destiny.
CHARLES: Camilla? Tomorrow? You'd have to ask my Private Secretary about that.
PAXMAN:No. Tomorrow you become the King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
CHARLES: About bloody time.
PAXMANo you not think that your time has passed?
CHARLES: Indeed. It's passed wonderfully. Shooting, Fishing, Skiing, Polo. And don't mention the women.
PAXMAN:I was just about to ask you about the women in your life.
CHARLES: I asked you not to mention the women. What is this? The Third Degree?
PAXMAN
Chuckles) I thought you liked The Three Degrees. But let me widen our discussion. What would you want your reign to be remembered for?
CHARLES: My passions are The Commonwealth, The Environment and Architecture. So I would hope that my time will be remembered as a Golden Age for them.
PAXMANo you still talk to the flowers?
CHARLES: Of course.
PAXMAN:What do they say back?
CHARLES: (In the voice of the Goon - Eccles) Shut up, Eccles!
PAXMANoesn't your great love of The Goon Show reveal how out of touch you are?
CHARLES: (In the squeaky voice of the Goon - Bluebottle) I don't like this game.
(PAUSE)
PAXMAN:Moving swiftly on. Do you stand by your stated views on Social Utopianism?
CHARLES: Yes … whatever that may mean.
PAXMAN:You have suggested that people today are being told that they can be whatever they want with no regard to their effort or ability.
CHARLES: Quite true. Look at me.
PAXMAN:And, judging by that suit, you still believe we need to escape from an obsession with being modern.
CHARLES: The old-fashioned always comes back into vogue. I've waited a long time for this.
PAXMAN: Thank you, Your Highness, for gracing us with your presence tonight. And good luck with the Coronation next year, rather controversially being held at Wembley Stadium.
CHARLES: That was William and Harry's idea. They are my fingers on the pulse of the nation.
PAXMAN:And Prince Edward is going to organise the event, I believe.
CHARLES: Indeed. His wife and he are currently organising the sponsors.
PAXMAN:It really is just like a family business.
CHARLESS: Yes. We argue, we're jealous of each other and we avoid paying tax as much as we can.
