Hi - this is my short sitcom so far. I have reworked a script that I have posted a long time ago. Any feedback would be appreciated. 
Suburban Bohemia
by Todd Barty
(Xander Zanii a slightly plump post-punk dandy, is lying asleep on a sofa in his kimono. Next to him is a throw rug with someone underneath. There is a table with a a disorderly pile of papers, an iphone and a few partially empty bottles of alcohol and glasses. The door is buzzing..)
Xander: Yes - Hello... good morning.
(The buzzing stops. Xander shakes a lump next to him.)
Xander: Darling, someone's here... darling....
(The phone begins to ring. Xander answers it.)
Xander: Good morning, Group Z Arts Media, Xander Zanii speaking. Yes I know you're buzzing - I'm
coming!
(As he speaks, Xander reaches into a pocket of his kimono. First, he pulls out a pair of lacy knickers and shoves them down the side of the coach, then he pulls out some pills and pops them into his mouth.)
Xander: I hope you haven't been out drinking this whole time, you know what we have to do today.
(Xander grabs a bottle to wash down the pills. He swigs and then winces - noticing that the bottle is Cinzano. He picks up the bottle of water next to it and swigs.)
Xander: Are you still there? You'd better not be drunk, I'm relying on you...
(As he says this, Xander opens the door to Lily Von Lieberslieder - a gothic looking cabaret diva, carrying a nearly empty bottle of vodka. The two hang up their phones. )
Lily: Dump this for me.
Xander: Bloody terrific, Lily!
Lily: You were drinking too.
Xander: I stopped at four-thirty.
Lily: That's why you get hangovers. I just drink on through.
(She hands him the bottle.)
Xander: Did you have that in the car?
Lily: Yeah. I'm thirsty agin now - make me a drink.
Xander: I'll make coffee.
Lily: Only if you've got Irish Cream.
Xander: We're all out.
Lily: Gin and Tonic then.
(Xander pours two gin and tonics. While Lily checks her phone.)
Xander: You have a terrible problem with alcohol, Lily.
Lily: No I don't - I drink it, I enjoy it - no problem.
Xander: How did you get here?
Lily: Jac drove me.
Xander: Are you telling me Jac was sober?
Lily: Well he...
Xander: Or she.
Lily: I didn't ask.
Xander: Oh - I thought we were going to get that sorted out.
Lily: Jac... stayed inside our lane... most of the way.
(Lily sees the lump on the couch.) Who's this?
Xander: None of you're business - leave her alone.
(Lily pulls aside the throw rug. There is only a pile of cushions. Xander is crestfallen.)
Xander: She must have got an early start. Anyway, it was just Melanie...
Lily: I knew there was only one reason you hired her.
Xander: She's a very gifted actress.
Lily: And I'm Lady bloody Gaga.
Xander: I'm just... looking for the right part for her. She's very helpful... she's
probably off to get some supplies. I hope she remembered pretzels.
Lily: Couldn't you bend her into one?
Xander: Shut up and have your drink.
(Lily sees Xander's drink.)
Lily: I thought you were having coffee.
Xander: I'm feeling symmetrical this morning. And I don't want you to drink alone.
(The iphone rings. Xander picks it up.)
Lily: Why do we have to do this today, Xander.
Xander: We need a new project manager - and Lucy's qualified.
Lily: She's a boring little bitch, Xander...
Xander: She's my niece, Lily, the arts are in our blood.
Lily: She'll cut back our entertainment our entertainment budget, I know it.
Xander: I can handle her.
Lily: You should've kept Guy.
Xander: Don't talk to me about Guy, Lily.
Lily: I don't want Lucy.
Xander: Guy was a boring, penny-pinching little bastard, Lily.
Lily: Not so little ...
Xander: A philistine who wouldn't know creativity if it came up and put its h head between his man-
tits and went brrrr (makes horse-ish noise while wobbling his face)...like that.
Lily: Hahaha.... He did have man-tits... hahaha.
Xander: Huge man-tits. Think, Lily, his tits are bigger than yours - and his are real!
Lily: Shut up!
Xander: Oh, don't be over sensitive.
Lily: Oh, Xander - you've got your nubile little PA, let me choose the new project manager...
Xander: Absolutely not!
Lily: I want a Chippendale in a Pierre Cardin tie that I can
lead him around with. Like that gorgeous guy at the club last night...
Xander: That was his tie?
Lily: I want someone like that - not another Jenny Craig failure.
Xander: Says the Betty Ford drop out.
Lily: Make me another drink.
Xander: No Lily, we've got to get organised. She'll be here soon and she's not going to agree to be our new
project administrator if we can't present an organised front. We've got a huge programme coming
up and we need a project manager - this environmental angle brought in bucket loads of funding.
Lily: What are we doing?
Xander: A performance art slash cabaret series.
Lily: I can do that - I'll do some cabaret.
Xander: Its called "From Caligari to Climate Change" - and we've got multi-media exhibition tied in
called "The Thousand Eyes of the Metropolis - Expressionist Perspectives on the Industrialised
Landscape" - and that's why we've got the grant money!
Lily: Oh, Xander - don't talk to me about grants.
Xander: Lily, I book you into conferences, I book you into seminars - I try to teach you how this all works.,
but you sleep through them, just like you slept through our whole marriage!
Lily: That was one week!
Xander: At the last grant-writing workshop I had to put your sunglasses on so that nobody would notice that
you were having a nap. I convinced the people next to us that you were a blind mute from the Arts
Inclusion. Network.
Lily: I just keep them on now.
Xander: Probably a good thing.
Lily: I'm not the one who looks like a fat raccoon.
Xander: Really? Lose the sunglasses.
Lily: Piss off.
(The door buzzes.)
Xander: Shit - that'll be her.
(Lily lies down on the couch while Xander runs to look through the peep hole in the door.)
Lily: Count me out.
Xander: Shit, shit it is.
(Xander swirls around and ineffectually tries to gather the bottles on the table into a smaller group. His phone rings. He answers.)
Xander: Yes... yes, I'm coming!
(Xander hangs up and covers Lily with the throw rug on the couch.)
Xander: Lazy cow.
(Xander answers the door to Lucy Llewellen - an attractive young woman dressed in a very business-like fashion.)
Xander: Darling girl, how are you?
(She walks past him.)
Lucy: Hello, Uncle Xander - still in your pyjamas?
Xander: Yes - why didn't you call... I thought you were coming later.
Lucy: I called several times this morning.
Xander: Must've been in the shower.
Lucy: You said that you needed some marketing advice.
Xander: Yes - I wanted to run an idea by you.
(Lucy sees the lump on the couch and pulls the throw rug off, revealing Lily.)
Lucy: What is this?
Xander: She's a blind mute.
Lucy: Lily Von Lieberslieder.
Lily: Hello.
Lucy: What's she doing here? You divorced her over a decade ago.
Xander: She's still my Associate Director.
Lucy: And she still hasn't moved out. How do you think she makes your company look?
Lily: I know how to behave, I know how to communicate and network, I went to Bedales too, you
bitch.
Lucy: I knew coming here was a bad idea.
Xander: I'm offering you a job!
Lucy: I work for my fiancée.
Lily: She has a fiancee. He must be getting some on the side!
Xander: Shut up, Lily. What do you do this... fiancee of yours.
Lucy: He runs a marketing firm.
Lily: Marketing... what's his name?
Lucy: He wouldn't be interested in you!
Lily: Wouldn't he?
Xander: Lily shut or get out! Now, Lucy - darling, I need a new project
manager, and you're family...
Lucy: What happened to Guy?
Lily: Xander pissed in his office.
Xander: He was irritating me - didn't know he would quit!
Lucy: And you think that I'll just drop everything and come to the rescue. Are you mad?
Lily: Don't walk into that one, Xander.
Xander: I bet I could pay you more than you're earning now. Look at this budget - look at the money we've
got for this.
(Xander rummages through his paerwork and hands Lucy a spreadsheet.)
Lucy: What are you doing?
Xander: This climate change cabaret series - and we've got a huge programme of multi-media performance
events to follow up. We've got education money, youth money, environement money -
the whole lot tied to this.
Lucy: And what's she going to be doing?
Xander: Lily's doing her 'Burlesque-ercises.
Lily: 'Bump'n'grind your way to a fitter you!'
Xander: Yes, 'Bump'n'grind your way to a fitter you' - but don't get them to take any clothes off.
Lily: Fat?
Xander: Some of them.
Lily: No one wants to see fat people undressing. Too much like our wedding night.
Lucy: This is a lot of money.
Xander: Yes, my dear.
Lily: We've been the brains trust behind the British Council for years.
Lucy: I can't believe they've met you - they obviously haven't seen the way you live.
Been drinking again, Xander?
Xander: I can drink if I like - I am an adult.
Lucy: That's debatable.
Xander: Well this is just typical of my family - criticise anything that I do.'Grow up, Xander'. 'Pull your
weight, Xander'...
Lily: Better you than me.
Xander: And even when I do manage to make to lots of money, by making good art by the way, not
the lifeless mass produced shit churned out to please the tourists and brain-damaged,
drooling at the mouth masses, like my father does, you all find something to whinge and
bitch and moan about.
Lily: Tell her to piss off, Xander.
Xander: Meanwhile, I offer you a rare opportunity for some exciting work and you just shit on me from a
great hight because your happy marketing some..dull piece of shit... I don't know what.... for this
fiancee who's probably boring enough to make drying paint look like Disneyland...
Lily: Sex is probably like Temazepam.
Lucy: That's it - I'm off. Xander, here's my card - if you're serious about some advice, you can make an
an appointment to see me at my office, but you couldn't pay me enough to put up with the pair of you!
(Lucy hands puts her card on the table and leaves.)
Xander: Well thank you so bloody much, Lily!
Lily: Xander, give me that card!
Xander: Why?
Lily: The guy I was with last night owns a marketing firm!
(Lily rummages in her clevage and pulls out a card and Xander brings the one in his hand over and sits next to Lily.)
Xander: It can't be.
Lily: It is - its the same business!
Xander: He cheated, that little prick, he cheated on my niece.
Lily: I knew it.
Xander: Shut up! Mr. Scott Jewell from Jewell promotions...
Lily: Don't get involved, Xander.
Xander: Of course I'm going to get invovled - I'm going to expose him!
Lily: I suppose Lucy'll be looking for work, then. If her fiancee slash boss cheats on her...
Xander: I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for my niece...
Lily: Who might end up being your project manager after all.
Xander: That would be a... fringe benefit. Lily, I have a job for you - I want you to meet up with your
friend from the club last night. You're going to call Mr. Jewell and we'll lead him into our trap by
his...
Lily: Pierre Cardin tie?
(The scene ends.)
And that's the cliffhanger - more to come!