This is the first three (and a bit!) scenes from the pilot I'm currently working on. I'd say it's in a stage of about 2nd draft as of yet, I'd just like to know what the very reputable members of this board (*wipes mouth*) have to say about it.
Scene 1 I'm okay with, scene 2 I'm happy with, scenes 3 and what-there-is-of scene 4 I'm unsure of so far.
Not one single person, eh?
Sam, there's nothing on your link.
It seemed like a lot of characters and locations to introduce in this short piece, 8 plus 1 shopper.
I would think about removing the shopper and have that conversation between Sam & Susan. (1 less actor to pay!)
Can you get rid of one of Sam, Chris or Harry? I take it these 3 will end up working with Alan sooner or later, couldn't they just be the strange interns at the same office who Alan has to turn to for help instead of being an outside firm?
Can't open it, could you paste it oin?
Nope link didn't work for me either. But you are far more likely to get a response if you paste the script into your post.
Just started reading it, to get it to show you have to click on the page once to zoom in.
Hi,
Afraid I didn't finish reading the extract. Well formatted, and the dialogue was quite naturalistic in places. Unfortunately I didn't find it very funny. Sorry.
Hi Sam,
Finally got there!
Very impressed with your professional style of writing. Fast moving and witty. Not a 'belly-laugh' piece, but then, I don't think it's meant to be that type of comedy.
This definitly needs to be 'watched' rather than read for the full potential.
Agree with shopper comment.
Sorry I can't be more constructive, but again, your writing style is superb.
Cheers
Oh yeah, sorry about the odd link. As Markaroni said you have to click on it to zoom.
@Thirsty: I just wanted Chris there as a foul for Sam and Harry, hadn't thought of them working with Alan. That could be funny.
@ShirleyMcFurley: yeah I'm attracted to a constant stream of humour rather than big hits. I'm still working to try and find a rhythm I'm happy with. I always feel like my writing doesn't translate that well on the page. It's something I'm working on.
@jacparov: appreciate you reading it nonetheless!
Sam, I would call it 'gentle comedy', like Butterflies, for which, I predict, there will be a growing market.
We surely must have near exhaudted the outragious/cutting edge/push the limits type of shows (although they will always have their slots) - so now I believe comedy will go full circle again to the light-hearted and watchable for main stream audiences. Just my view. Please keep up the good work.
S
Hi Sam,
I just assumed that as the 3 lads were working in their own media firm, dicussing producing music videos, it would be a natural progression to have them working with Alan as he has admitted he doesn't know what he is doing!
This is probably why many production companies prefer to see a script that is NOT the pilot to get a better feel for the show.