Hi - Just a little scene that opens an episode of a sitcom I'm working on. I've posted bits of it on here ages ago - this deals with a major complication that arises in the lives of the characters.
Please read and comment... 
Suburban Bohemia - The Big News
(Xander wakes up in his dimly lit boudoir. He looks at the clock. It is nine thirty.)
Xander: Bastards! What's the point of paying people... oh shut up, Xander, get up!
(In the kitchen Jac and Mel are looking at a fax.)
Mel: Whoa...
Jac: I'm not looking forward to telling...
Mel: I can't believe it.
Jac: It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Mel: But, Xander?
Jac: You're the last in a long line, dear... but her...
(Xander blusters in.)
Xander: Why is it nine thirty and no one has woken me? Why do I not have a coffee in my hand?
Jac: We work for your company... Xander...
Xander: Mel, you are my Personal Assistant...
Jac: She was assisting you until very late last night.
Xander: I hope you realise that I'm going to late for my lunch meeting now!
Mel: Jac has something to tell you, Xander...
Jac: Oh no, you are the assistant...
Mel: Go on!
Jac: A fax has come through for you, Xander...
Xander: So?
Jac: I think you will find it distressing.
Xander: Is it... the arts grant?
Jac: No no...
Mel: Sit down, Xander...
(Xander sits)
Jac: Xander, this fax is from a girl called Claudia - she is your daughter.
Xander: I don't have a daughter...
Jac: It seems you do.
Xander: No!
Mel: She's sixteen...
Xander: No, no, no! Jac, tell me that this is some infantile prank that Lily put you up to!
Jac: Alright, this is some infantile prank that Lily put me up to.
Xander: Good, well don't do it again.
Jac: I only say that because you tell... I am your employee...
Xander: What?
Mel: You have a daughter, Xander.
Xander: bastard, Jac, you bastard!
Mel: Do you want your coffee.
Xander: No! Give me the Vodka!
(Mel obliges.)
Jac: She wants to live with you.
Xander: Anti-depressants, anti-depressants, now!
(Mel obliges.)
Xander: How - how could this have happened to me?
Mel: You know that thing we were doing?
Xander: When?
Mel: Ooh, just after midnight.
Xander: Oh, yes, I remember...
Mel: Well, sometimes when you do that - you get a kid.
Xander: Oh, shut up, shut up! Who's the Mother?
Jac: have another drink, Xander.
Xander: Just tell me!
Mel: Oh please don't, not until Lily gets up.
Xander: Why do we have to wait until Lily gets up - why does she have to know everything?
(Lily stumbles out of her room.)
Lily: What don't I need to know?
Mel: That Xander has a sixteen year old daughter...
Lily: You're joking?
Jac: No - she has made contact.
Lily: Haha! Of course you do.
Xander: Go back to bed.
Lily: Oh, I saw this coming even when we were married... you could never keep it in...
Xander: You spiteful slick of bile!
Lily: Well, that'll slow you down, won't it?
Xander: Yes - it will, Lily - in all kinds of ways! She wants to come and live with us, Lily...
Lily: No!
Xander: Oh yes! From now on I'll be focusing on being a good Daddy - oh, the cost of raising
a child these days! No more loud, late parties....
Lily: No!
Xander: No more funding your habits!
Lily: No, no!
Xander: No more lending you cash every time you want to have work done on those
grotesque Chest-Himalayas of yours!
Lily: No! Stop it, please!
Jac: Actually, the child will not be a financial burden - she has money of her own...
Lily: Oh, thank goodness! Who was her Mother?
Jac: Lily - it was your sister.
Lily: Noooooooooooooooooo!
