Alright - a bit more of a plan and a bit more to the point. Also, some more scenes. The long, unfunny first scene has been peeled back to a quite short prologue with a few laughs (I hope). The scenes that follow introduce us to the characters more and, hopefully, have a few jokes. Try to stick with it right through and give me some feedback please! 
Spiralling Out of Control
Prologue
(Outside an upmarket Sydney nightspot. Ella stumbles out followed by Keith. Ella is a pretty twenty year old woman in an expensive looking but tiny dress and impractical shoes. Keith is an attractive man of the same age in a smart suit - slightly dishevelled. )
Ella: Piss off, Keith!
Keith: Ella, come on...
Ella: No, you're a prick and I don't need you!
(A photographer watches.)
Photographer: Gotta go - its Ella and Keith.
Ella: I could've gone to LA this Summer - people know me there...
(Melanie is manhandled out by a bouncer. Melanie is also a pretty twenty year old girl woman. Her dress is also expensive and tiny - a bit more revealing perhaps than Ella's. Her shoes are even sillier.)
Melanie: Don't touch me!
Photographer: Mel Braxton's here too...
Ella: You think your so freakin' hot...
Melanie: (Going to bouncer.) Actually, no you can if you like...
(The bouncer tries to back away. A photographer enters on a mobile telephone.)
Ella: Well, you're gonna be sorry that we're not a couple... because everyone's gonna know
me... I would've made you look so much hotter...
Mel: I can show you how to touch me, hon... I know you've got a hard job....
(The bouncer looks uncomfortable as Mel clamours around him.)
Ella: I could've hooked up with Chris Brown, maybe, or Zac Efron...
Mel: Now I'm not looking for anything serious... I normally only see singers or underwear models...
Photographer: Yeah, they're off their tits...
(The Bouncer pulls away from Melanie)
Mel: I'll give you my number...
Ella: And you pick that slut!
Keith: Come on, people are watching...
Ella: I don't give a shit, Keith.. everyone knows that you can't keep it your pants! Everyone knows
that you just want to get into Kirsty Shore's knickers!
Keith: Ella...
Ella: Well I can tell you, Keith, a lot of people have been down that track...
Melanie: They should publish a Lonely Planet guide.
Keith: Like you can talk, Mel...
Melanie: What did you say to me?
Ella: Don't you diss my friend!
Photographer: Alright, really gotta go now!
Ella: Don't you dare...
Keith: I think you need to go home, Ella...
(Keith tries to guide Ella to a car.)
Ella: Don't touch me!
Melanie: Arsehole!
(Melanie and Ella are both attacking Keith. The photographer emerges followed by others, the start snapping. The bouncer emerges with two others.)
Bouncer: Over there...
(The bouncers break up the fight and push Ella and Melanie into the car, helped by the chauffeur. There is a montage of this happening in a rather undignified fashion, in the style of paparazzi shots, as the opening credits roll.)
Scene One
(Ella and Melanie, two pretty twenty year old women, are reclining in their bikinis on the balcony of an up-market Surfer's Paradise hotel. They are flicking through magazines.)
Ella: I wanna be on "Gossip Girl".
Melanie: What Acting.
Ella: Yeah - can't be that hard. Did you order the drinks?
Melanie: Yeah.
Ella: I mean - I could be.
Melanie: Of course - you're hot, babe.
Ella: No but I could do it!
Melanie: Ooh, I'm loving Robert Pattinson.
Ella: Too pale.
Melanie: Oh, bite me!
Ella: I beg your pardon?
Melanie: No I was talking to him - bite me - because he's a vampire...
Ella: I could have have a talent, like Kirsty Shore...
Melanie: Keith didn't screw her because she has talent, he screwed her because she's easy.
Ella: They're both musicians.
Melanie: You've got talents...
Ella: You have to say that, you're my friend. Being a rich person's daughter isn't a talent, Melanie...
Melanie: You take that back! I've made it an art form.
Ella: Look at this magazine, what am I in it for?
Melanie: Worst dressed list?
Ella: No! Well... yes... actually... but look! "Heiress spiralling out of control!" Drunken
break with rock-band heart-throb at Sydney night club."
Melanie: Oh look, there's me!
Ella: With a nipple waving to the cameraman.
Melanie: And there's me dragging you into the car...
Ella: I'm not even wearing good knickers!
Melanie: Oh, Ella, forget all of that - we're on holiday!
Ella: I'm still angry...
Melanie: You need to get away from the press, get away from Keith...
(As Melanie says this, she takes her bikini top off.)
Melanie: Come on Ella...
(Ella removes her bikini top as she speaks.).
Ella: I need to get away from my parents - shit, they're doing their nut over those pictures. Dad
looked like he was going to explode - his eyes looked like Roman candles - they could hire
him freaking New Year's and strap him to the Harbour Bridge. Mum was pissed...
Melanie: Well that's a fine example...
Ella: What?
Melanie: Her daughter is a binge drinker and she goes and gets pissed.
Ella: Shut up, Mel...
(The mobile telephone next to her rings., She picks it up.)
Ella: Crap. Its her!
(Two bellboys approach the door. Bellboy #1 is holding a tray with two cocktails, Bellboy#2 just has a tray.).
Bellboy #2: I said I'd bring this one.
Bellboy # 1: I didn't hear.
Bellboy #2: Well I'll take it from here.
Bellboy #1: I'll be fine...
Bellboy #2: One each!
(Bellboy #1 nods and Bellboy#2 takes one of the cocktails and puts it on his tray. Bellboy #1 knocks on the door.)
Melanie: The drinks!
(Melanie gets up, still topless and goes to the door.)
Ella: No, Mum, we're just chilling at the hotel.
(Melanie opens the door.)
Melanie: Hi boys, just through to the balcony...
(The Bellboys inch nervously past Melanie, trying not to seems like they are looking at her.)
Ella: Yes, Mum, yes - I'm keeping a low profile...
(The Bellboys are now on the balcony with Ella, struggling not to look too hard as they put the cocktails down.)
Ella: No, Mum, I promise I won't... I won't embarrass myself or the family, I promise...
(Bellboy#2 cannot stop looking at Ella, so Bellboy#1 pulls him away.)
Ella: Mel and I are just going to do some shopping later... I won't spend too much.
(The Bellboys go out the door.)
Melanie: Thanks, boys...
Bellboy#2: If there's anything else...
(Melanie giggles and closes the door.)
Bellboy#1: Idiot.
(Melanie hears this through the door and giggles)
Scene Two
(This scene is a montage of Ella and Mel going to various up market boutiques. In one shot they are fawning over a cute clutch purse. They Try to put various things in it, but they will not fit. Ella tries to sit on it, then Mel. They both try to sit on it at once and fall backwards off the chair. Mel is about to stand on it when a shop assistant stops them. Next, they are in a clothing boutique and try on dresses. Mel's is impractically short and when she lifts her arms, her panties show. Ella tries to pull it down, but to no avail. Mel walks back into the changing area disheartened. When she returns, she is wearing the same dress. Ella is puzzled, but when Mel lifts her arms she reveals much fancier panties. Ella claps excitedly. Next, they are in shoe shop. Mel totters around in a pair of ridiculously high shoes. Ella puts on a pair and nearly stumbles. Mel and the shop assistant help her. She finally gets her balance and struts the length of the shop confidently. As she turns, however, she loses balance and falls into the window display. Passers by look through the window in dismay.)
Scene Three
(Ella and Melanie sit in a trendy restaurant. They each have more than one cocktail glasses in front of them and there is a jug of what might be margaritas in the centre of the table. The shopping bags are piled up around them.)
Melanie: Alright, so what did we get?
Ella: I got six dresses, three bikinis, four new pairs of shoes, a couple of clutches and a new lingerie
set.
Melanie: Is that all?
Ella: Well, I told Mummy I wouldn't spend to much.
Melanie: Ugh, you are such a suck.
Ella: Let me see yours.
(While Melanie pours another drink, Ella inspects one of her bags.)
Ella: Twelve new pairs of panties, Mel?
Melanie: Mine always seem to get ripped.
Ella: Nice ones though.
(Keith enters the restaurant with Kirsty Shore, an attractive young woman of about the same age as Ella and Mel. They wait at the reception.)
Melanie: Oh, Ella, don't look now...
Ella: Where?
Melanie: No, don't look! Its Keith, he's with Kirsty.
Ella: That bitch, what the shit?
Melanie: Just be quiet and ignore them, Ella.
Ella: Aren't there enough places to go on holiday in this whole freakin' country. Or can't he go
to Tasmania?
Melanie: That is...
Ella: We're going!
Melanie: No, Ella...
Ella: We can't stay here with them.
Melanie: We haven't finished our drinks... that's wasting perfectly good alcohol and I can't do
that!
Ella: Hurry up!
(The girls skull their drinks as a waiter comes and speaks with Keith and Kirsty. Melanie tries to skull the jug of Margharitas, but reels backwards.)
Melanie: Ahh, brain freeze!
Ella: Give me that!
(Ella skulls from the jug. Ice falls on the ground and a piece of cold lemon drops into her clevage.)
Ella: Ow.. cold.. owww...
(Ella tries to reach it but can't).
Melanie: Let me...
(Melanie reaches up Ella's top and tries to push the article up.)
Melanie: I've got it...
Ella: Hurry!
(Melanie puts her other hand down Ella's top as Ella steps onto some ice. It is at this precise moment that the waiter leads Keith and Kirsty past Ella and Mel. Keith and Kirsty see Ella and Mel and the pair topple over into their shopping bags.)
Keith: Hi Ella, Mel...
(Kirsty snickers and the pair walk on after the water.)
Ella: Shit!