I don't normally post sketches that I'm going to animate but this one's such a long way off being finished I thought I'd post the script now for some feedback. Enjoy!...Or not.
The sandwich shop
Very good... I liked it a lot. Can't wait to see it animated!
It might be nice for Dave, at the end, to notice his wristwatch is missing i.e. there's a bit of the prank that he wasn't privy to...
Excellent ... I'd go with Darren's suggestion too ... or even more so ... "Where's my watch? hey ... come to think of it ... where's my left arm?" Very good though ... nice and straightforward!!
Quote: losaavedra @ July 4, 2007, 4:37 PMExcellent ... I'd go with Darren's suggestion too ... or even more so ... "Where's my watch?
Well, I didn't want to put words into his mouth, Mike... 
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Good idea with the other angle on the joke. I'm pretty happy with the ending at the moment, I'll probably end up trying to make it shorter, depends how it flows when acted.
Seeing sandwich in the title, I had to check this out. Also the good name of Shoepie was enough encouragement on it's own.
Unfortunately, I wasn't too keen on this. I'd rather wait and see the finished animation before I make a full judgment though.
It felt too long, I feel like you could make the same joke in a lot less words. But I could be wrong, as I'm unfamiliar with animation scripts and I'm probably missing something.
Thanks. I knew the sandwich would get you!
Yeah it could be too long. On a quick read through it was 1.40 so if it gets near 2mins I might make some cuts in the edit. You never know until you see it with the visuals.
e.g. I think a frozen blue Bob popping out/getting crammed in the fridge will be another joke. Which will break it up.
Nice idea, thought dialogue could be a bit zippier though.
Nice twist Shoe. I was thinking python until the last bit.