This is a quick sketch - not much of an ending, but then I never was a fan of the big 'ta-daa' endings.
SCENE: A CARAVAN PARK. A MIDDLE AGED COUPLE ARE SITTING OUTSIDE THEIR CARAVAN, FINISHING THEIR FISH AND CHIPS DINNER.
ERIC BELCHES LOUDLY.
DAVINIA
Pig.
ERIC
Excuse me.
ERIC OPENS ANOTHER BOTTLE OF BEER.
DAVINIA
Why are you so flaming gassy?
ERIC
Dunno. It must be something I ate.
ERIC DRINKS BEER, WIPES HAND ACROSS MOUTH, BELCHES. DAVINIA LOOKS DISGUSTED.
DAVINIA
I could smell your feet on that one.
ERIC IGNORES THIS. HE STRETCHES OUT LUXURIOUSLY.
ERIC
Oh yes. You know, it's not a bad life really. Here we are in a lovely part of Dorset, staying in a very nice caravan with a fitted kitchenette and gas lighting, enjoying the fresh air and..
PAUSE. ERIC BELCHES AGAIN.
ERIC
Excuse me. Where was I?
DAVINIA
You were talking about fresh air?
ERIC
Yes, fresh air. Marvellous stuff. Fill your lungs with that, eh?
DAVINIA
I still don't know why we couldn't go to Greece. Those package holidays are so cheap, we could be lying on the beach right now, getting a sun tan.
ERIC
Not this again. You wouldn't like Greece. It's too hot, the food is too greasy and the waiters out there are just animals, all they want to do is leer at pretty English women, grope them and then pinch their backsides.
DAVINIA
And how is that different from being married to you?
ERIC
Ho-ho. Extremely funny, darling.
DAVINIA
My friend Veronica went there last year, she had a marvellous time. Even that miserable husband of hers enjoyed it and he had a panic attack in Wales.
ERIC
Wales? What the hell has Wales got to do with Greece?
DAVINIA
He didn't think the welsh had toilets.
ERIC
Ah. Anyway, that Veronica, she's always been a bit strange. She likes all that foreign food and she named her cat after a town in Holland.
DAVINIA
Holland? Her cat's called Toby.
ERIC
Is it? I thought it was called Rotterdam.
DAVINIA
You're getting confused with her dog.
ERIC
Really? What's her dog called?
DAVINIA
Brussels.
ERIC
Ahah, named after the capital of Belgium.
ERIC NODS SAGELY TO HIMSELF.
DAVINIA
No, he just likes eating sprouts.
ERIC IS STILL NODDING.
Sprouts, yes. That makes sense.
FADE...