GEORGE, WIFE FRANCES, AND KIDS LUKE & LIBERTY ARE GATHERED AROUND THE TREE. LUKE IS ON CRUTCHES.
GEORGE
So that's the goose polished off!
LIBERTY
I'm still hungry.
LUKE
Yes papa you promised us a much bigger bird.
FRANCES
I told you it wouldn't put on weight if you didn't feed it.
GEORGE
Nonsense; everyone knows the only way to fatten a bird is to let it forage for itself. Besides there was plenty of sage and onion.
FRANCES
Yes George thanks to you our goose has been well and truly stuffed.
GEORGE
Luke, Liberty, time to see what presents Santa has brought you. Are you excited?
LUKE
A bit...
FRANCES
You didn't peek, did you?
LUKE
No mama! Not after papa leaked to us where the parcels were hidden.
LIBERTY
And what was going to be in them.
GEORGE
See Luke it's a train set.
LUKE
I continue to be moderately excited. Thank you papa.
GEORGE
Actually I persuaded some friends of mine to buy it for you.
LUKE
Oh. That was very nice of them.
GEORGE
Yes you can pay them back out of your pocket money. You should be done paying by the time you are thirty!
LUKE
Are the wheels supposed to come off?
FRANCES
And what do you have sweetie?
LIBERTY
A brand new doll's house.
GEORGE
That's right. And Daddy has done a deal where you only need to put five per cent down!
LIBERTY
Couldn't you lend me a dolls' house until I can afford one of my own?
GEORGE
Good lord no - you've not been picking up these socialist ideas from uncle Vince? You know we don't listen to him. Besides if I hadn't helped out the man selling them might have had to drop his prices. A lot of mummies and daddies have a lot of dosh tied up in dolls' houses.
LIBERTY
You are so good to us kids, papa. Are you sure I can afford this on my allowance?
GEORGE
(SHIFTY) Ah, yes, children, I have been meaning to talk to you about pocket money...
LUKE HOBBLES TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE.
LUKE
A Merry Christmas to us all. George has f**ked us, every one.
END.
