After a bit of feedback

hi,i thought id put a few of my throw away jokes up to get a bit of feedback....there not in my act atm but possibly will be at some point as im too indesisive lol

1..i could never be gay......I wouldn't have it in me

2..Virginia falls in Zimbabwe can be heard from 40 miles away,what I wanna know is,whos this virginia falls?? she sounds like a right goer

3..i tried out that new sex line last week........best train ive ever been on

4..used to date my swimming instructor...she always told me hiw it was.....my swimming was shit but.she was loving my breast stroke

5..got fired from tesco...a little boy came ib and asked for some jelly for his party,apparently it was innapropriate selling him ky.........every one knows thays horrible with ice.cream

6..ppl.say I should.stop taking drugs,but how else am I supposed to get of this rash

7..ive been doing my 5 a day,screwing melons and grapefruits does.count right

8..thin my dogs a peado,came home and he was watching a sick film called 2 girls 1 pup

9..when I was about ten I went ass to mouth.........well,i went too the zoo,and kissed a donkey

10..i dunno why i,cant keep a gf,as soon as I get to know someone l,i open up a bit,but as soon as I show em my roul moat shrine,they f**k off......wierd eh

11..they should have self.service tills.in brothels so when your about to cum,you can press the finish and pay button

12..slept with an epelectic girl on firework night......it was like f**king the Duracell bunny

13..hovis hest of both....or what I like too call,bisexual bread

14..kingsmill 50 50

Hi Dayrl,

A bit of a mixed bag you have there. some good, some not so good but, then that's the part of the process of writing jokes. I liked the I could never be gay joke, also the Tesco one although with that one I would drop the every one knows that's horrible with ice cream part as it deflects from the real 'punch'. The only other one that tickled my fancy was the Raoul Moat one but, keep it up.

You could expand the brothel idea to read something like:

Tesco's are getting their fingers into everything these days even brothels. I went into one the other day and have to say I was rather impressed as they had alot of offers on buy one get 2 free, try before you buy, they even guarenteed to price match any other high street price.

I'm not sure really but, hopefully you've got something from it? It's only my opinion and not that of the BBC.

I have not heard of Virginia Falls; do you mean Victoria Falls?

I think these should have remained thrown away.

gay and donkey ones might squeak a laugh, the rest are pretty bad.

As puns these are okay, but will they generate any laughs ? You seem to have the framework for good gags and understand how to create a punch, but I personally feel they need a little more work. Bearing in mind that I'm not a comic, when I write puns for my own amusement, I must hit a ratio of only one good one out of twenty,(some would say that means I must have only written 19 so far). Practicing writing jokes helps develop a good knowledge of material to work with and an understanding of how to get the right punchline. Two or three of your gags have real potential. Keep at it.

Oh, and I was just thinking : I got fired from Tesco's last week. A little boy came in and asked for some jelly for his party. Apparently it was innapropriate selling him KY. I'm beginning to think I've sold him the wrong sort of toy too.

They're quite well structured, but you seem to be going for shock only which doesn't always help.
Also the execution could be a bit tighter.

Quote: Daryl @ November 21 2011, 6:56 AM GMT

hi,i thought id put a few of my throw away jokes up to get a bit of feedback....there not in my act atm but possibly will be at some point as im too indesisive lol

1..i could never be gay......I wouldn't have it in me

3..i tried out that new sex line last week........best train ive ever been on

8..thin my dogs a peado,came home and he was watching a sick film called 2 girls 1 pup

10..i dunno why i,cant keep a gf,as soon as I get to know someone l,i open up a bit,but as soon as I show em my roul moat shrine,they f**k off......wierd eh

12..slept with an epelectic girl on firework night......it was like f**king the Duracell bunny

View original

I liked all these

Number 4 - Groan Liked the gay one though

1-2-3-4-5-6: heard them before.

7-8-9: poor.

10-11-12-13: heard them before.