British Comedy Guide

A very short, sick sketch

INT. PLUSH LIVING ROOM - DAY

THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH POLICEMEN SAT AT COMPUTERS, TALKING ON PHONES AND POURING OVER A MAP. TWO WEEPING PARENTS STAND STARING AT A SMALL BOX ON THE GRAND OAK DINING TABLE AS BOMB EXPERTS EXAMINE IT.

DETECTIVE
We can’t be too careful Mr and Mrs Chester. It could be from the kidnappers.

THE BOMB EXPERT CAREFULLY LIFTS THE LID OFF THE BOX AND GASPS WHEN HE SEES INSIDE. THE DETECTIVE APPROACHES THE BOX AND SEES THAT THERE IS A BLOODY FINGER AND A NOTE INSIDE. THE MOTHER SCREAMS AND BURIES HER HEAD IN HER HUSBAND’S CHEST.

THE DETECTIVE LETS OUT A SIGH AND PICKS UP THE NOTE. IT READS, ‘WE WILL SEND A PIECE OF YOUR SON TO YOU EVERY WEEK OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!’ THE DETECTIVE SHAKES HIS HEAD.

DETECTIVE (CONT'D)
Sick bastards.

CUT TO:

INT. PLUSH LIVING ROOM - DAY

‘ONE WEEK LATER’ APPEARS ON SCREEN.

ANOTHER, MUCH LARGER BOX SITS ON THE TABLE. THE PARENTS ARE BESIDES THEMSELVES WITH GREIVE. THE BOMB EXPERT SLOWLY LIFTS THE LID, SCREAMS AND RUNS AWAY. WE SEE THE BACK OF A SMALL HEAD.

MOTHER
Noooooooooooooooo!

SHE FALLS TO THE FLOOR. HER HUSBAND GOES TO COMFORT HER. THE DETECTIVE WIPS A TEAR FROM HIS EYE AND PICKS UP THE NOTE INSIDE THE BOX. IT READS, ‘FUCK! THINK WE BLEW OUR LOAD A LITTLE EARLY THERE!’
FADE OUT.

Yup ... bit too sick to be considered even remotely funny (but you already know that). Could be made funny (and far less sick I suppose) but not easy. Steer completely clear of anguished parents and fate of their kids in my opinion and stick to satirical comedy which I think you're particularly good at.

Had a lot of promise but lost it towards the end. Only my opinion and could be loved by everyone else.

Quote: Baumski @ July 2, 2007, 12:51 PM

Had a lot of promise but lost it towards the end. Only my opinion and could be loved by everyone else.

Doubt it will be to be honest. Meh, for five minutes work it isn't too bad

what does 'meh' mean? A few people on this forum use it.

Actually I laughed - but that's me though!!!

Quote: Godot Taxis @ July 2, 2007, 6:39 PM

what does 'meh' mean? A few people on this forum use it.

It's the text version of a shrug.

And yeah... not sure if I'm allowed to laugh at this one or not... ;)

The actual joke is funny (the captures misunderstanding the concept behind what they were doing) but obviously the situation isn't and is too extreme which makes it unfunny (but you knew that ;)) If there is something that it would work with that wasnt as disturbing then... But I can't think of one.

Socknose. I think if you had done this sketch with anything other than chilblains or furry cute animals it would have been good.

I like sick, twisted & dark but even I cant see the funny side of a decapitated kiddy.

Try it with a cantankerous old fuss pot man or woman, whom drives the kidnappers to despair. That may work.

Written well though Socknose. Just a dodgy filling.

I liked it. love the ‘FUCK! THINK WE BLEW OUR LOAD A LITTLE EARLY THERE!’

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