British Comedy Guide

Smash the system

Take that, the Man.

David: Excuse me sir.

CEO: What the devil is it? Who are you?

David: I'm your new PA sir, I just wanted to say what an honour it is to be working for you.

CEO: You're the typist? But you're a chap.

David: I'm the PA.

CEO: Well, this can't be right, you're breasts are far too small.

David: I'm...I'm sorry?

CEO: Breasts man, breasts. I'm the CEO of the third biggest company in the country and I like to look at the typist's tits.

David: Right...well, I don't...

CEO: Should give you the benefit of the doubt I suppose, pop them out, let's have a look.

David: Sorry, you...you want to see my-

CEO: Tits man, yes. Come on, come on, I'm the CEO of the third biggest company in the country, I haven't got all day.

[David opens his blazer]

CEO: Oh dear no, they're far too small...and they've got all hair round the nipples. No, that's terribly unpleasant.

David: Right, well...

CEO: Well then, you're no good to me in the tits department so you're going to have to find me someone who is. Now, there's an absolutely cracking dark-haired filly I've noticed in the office next door

David: Mrs Pendergest?

CEO: She's got lovely long dark hair and is splendidly top heavy. Get her to come in and loosen her bra.

David: Mrs Pendergest is the global manager of Human Resources. I don't think she'd-

CEO: Say no more, bloody feminist I suppose. Damn it, I'm the CEO of the third biggest company in the country. She should be proud to get them out.
David: Perhaps the internet?

CEO: No. Buggered it up, got spunk all in the keyboard and those hairy bastards in the IT department haven't sorted it out yet.

David: Well, I'm not really sure then

CEO: Damn it man. I want to see some tits. I don't know what sort of a typist you are if you can' even find me some tits.

David: Oh, my mobile phone...I've got the internet on my moibile phone. You'll be able to see pornography there.

CEO: Jolly good show. Right, come over here then. I want a wank.

David: What? you want me to...to...

CEO: Good God man, of course not. I'm the CEO of the third largest company in the country. I can do that myself.

David: Oh, right, thank heavens.

CEO: I just need someone to hold the tissue. Come on man.

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