Here was my unused take on the subject.
Dan
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Park Bin Doc Dumping
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JUSTIN:
You walk down a path in the park, and the bins are generally full of papers. But, this week, thanks to cabinet minister Oliver Letwin's amazing noun-transportation device, it's the papers that are full of bins. On the line now is our political rubbish correspondent, Karen Greenback. Karen, surely this is an outright disgrace?
KAREN:
Absolutely, Justin. Literally anyone in the world could have picked up these secret government memos.
JUSTIN:
I actually meant that they should have been thrown in the recycling.
KAREN:
O... kay... Anyway, I have here Mr Letwin himself. Mr Letwin, any Thomas, Richard or Harold could have got privileged information from these papers.
OLIVER:
Karen, Karen, Karen, let's all calm down here. There are certainly no security concerns with these documents. They have in-built measures to ensure none of this information could ever get out.
KAREN:
What measures?
OLIVER:
What you've got to understand, Karen, is that these, like all other political documents, are massively, massively tedious. People literally cannot read past the first line without falling into a coma.
KAREN:
But surely it's the principle at stake here?
OLIVER:
Newly-introduced fortnightly collections mean these documents would only sit and rot in the Westminster bins. And I think we can agree, this all smells pretty bad already.
KAREN:
But what about the local environment? Didn't people complain when you dumped these papers?
OLIVER:
There was no problem with the actual bin at the time. I mean, the foxes were the only ones really complaining. But that's because they've had to move in there temporarily since he lost his job as Defence Secretary.
KAREN:
So, only the foxes would have got them?
OLIVER:
Well, them or their Waste Management Liaison Officer... Adam Werrity.
KAREN:
Well, Justin. I think that clears up just about none of the deep-rooted concerns everyone has. Back to you in the studio.
END