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Eton: Every Little Helps
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JUSTIN:
Going to Eton is very much like being in a rock band: far too many fags and some regular heavy beats. Despite this, the college is helping set up a free school for bright but disadvantaged pupils in the East End of London.
ATMOS:EDUCATIONAL ADVERT
VOICEOVER:
Local comprehensive ruined your life? Do you need some furtherer educationing? Well, we can help! Coming to a town near you soon: the Eton Franchise!
Yes! Pop into one of our numerous high-street Eton Locals and pick up basics like Maths! English! Or Science! Alternatively, jump in the car and visit one of our out-of-town Eton Extra establishments! With an expanded range of superfluous subjects! Like Ethics! Citizenship! And *French*!
Why not fill up whilst you're there! With *knowledge*! With 10p off every litre of knowledge, can you afford not to?
If you're on a budget, simply select something from our 'Value' range! Yes! Value Maths, concentrating on adding up and nothing else! Or Value English: sod punctuation and grammar, just learned dem spellings! Or Value Food Technology! Learn to make *sauce*!
Intelligentally-challenged? No worries! We can provide skills in trolley-collection and shelf-stacking so you can realise your dreams of a career in... trolley-collection or shelf-stacking!
And now, new for 2011: Eton Clubcard! The more you learn, the more you *can* learn! Simply trade your points in four times the value of the vouchers for education! Or five times! We like to change it on a whim!
The Eton Franchise: Every little helps!
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