JUSTIN:
Pornography is an enigma. No-one admits to using it and yet removing porn websites from the 40 billion that make up the World Wide Web would leave just 7 sites - and those are rubbish. However we may be about to find out what the Internet might be like without porn as ISP's offer a 'no porn' option during subscription.
TINA:
(VIA PHONE) And with our superfast 20-Meg broadband contract we guarantee connection speeds of nearly half-a-Meg.
GEOFF:
(VIA PHONE) That all seems fine, just...one other thing.
TINA:
Yes sir?
GEOFF:
What's your policy regarding...'specialist' content.
TINA:
That'll be porn then will it sir?
GEOFF:
Not necessarily. I mean....well yes, porn.
TINA:
We have a very clear policy. If you tell us you don't wish to access it we'll prevent such sites from being visible. If on the other hand you decide you would like access to...
GEOFF:
Specialist...
TINA:
Specialist content, then that's fine too. A contract clearly stating such will be sent to your address.
GEOFF:
My address?
TINA:
Yes - is that a problem?
GEOFF:
It's just...that's where my wife lives.
TINA:
And you wouldn't want her to know you'd explicitly signed up for....?
GEOFF:
Specialist...
TINA:
Specialist content?
GEOFF:
She might get a tad upset. Is there a facility for providing the content...'accidentally'?
TINA:
Accidentally?
GEOFF:
Yes - we agree I don't want it, it doesn't appear on the contract, but somehow it's still accessible. Perhaps through an (BEAT) 'administrative' (BEAT) oversight?
TINA
Sir, are you winking.
GEOFF:
God, no! Oh wait, you said winking. Yes, I might have been.
TINA:
Because facial expressions don't carry well over the telephone.
GEOFF:
Sorry.
TINA:
In any case we wouldn't be able to provide you with porn 'accidentally'.
GEOFF:
If I definitely didn't want porn you'd accidentally give me it in a flash! Well I do want it, but I want you to pretend I don't.
TINA:
And then give you it accidentally?
GEOFF:
Exactly.
TINA:
I'm sorry sir, but the word 'accidentally' implies an unintended outcome, whereas you seem to be clearly saying you'd like porn.
GEOFF:
Listen to me - I (BEAT) don't (BEAT) want porn.
TINA:
Sir, the winking's not helping. Now - porn or no porn?
GEOFF:
(SPITTING THE WORDS) Fine. No porn! Happy?
TINA:
Thank you, I'll tick 'no.' And if you like, as part of the same service we can also prevent those annoying emails selling Viagra.
GEOFF:
Hmm, better keep those - otherwise my wife'd be really upset.
Groan ... deary me, but lots will find it funny.
