Justin - Many countries submitted movies to be considered for next years Best Foreign Language Oscar last week. A plethora of languages were submitted - French, Spanish, that one that sounds very harsh and abrupt - American. Newsjack sent our film spoken entirely in innuendo
F/X dramatic music
V/O - An asteroid is set on a collision course with the Earth
KEN is KENNETH WILLIAMS
Ken - So you want me to rummage around in the dark and fill in a hole inch by inch?
Man 1 - We want you to you to fill the asteroid with explosives
Ken - That's what I said!
V/O - Based on a Jane Austin novel - very loosely
Woman 1 - And then you enter orbit
Ken - Enter? I've never even met Orbit!
V/O - Time was against him, but the entire human race was with him
Ken - (Not trying anymore/tired of innuendos) Penis
V/O - Staring Eric Pickles
Eric - I'm flying towards the earth and no one can stop me!
V/O - From the producer of Snakes On A Plane and written by Jimmy Carr
Man 1 - (Crackling because it is spoken through radio) Is your fuse long enough?
Ken - (Spoken from space helmet/echo) I've never had any complaints!
V/O - Ohh 'Ark At 'Er coming soon
Ken - Not too soon I hope (Laughs)
END