Here's a sketch that wasn't in the recording last night.
Dan
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Downgraded Financial Institutions
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JUSTIN:
Twelve bank credit ratings were cut this week, which is a surprise as everyone thought the first thing they'd done to save money was sell off all the scissors.
GRAMS:ADVERT
VOICEOVER:
Finances running slowly?! Finding it difficult to get credit?! Then downgrade *your* financial institution now!
EMMA:
I used to use LloydsTSB 2.0 and could literally get nothing done. (UPBEAT) But since downgrading to HBOS1.1, I've not had to pay for my bank account! Nor have I had to agree to unnecessary travel insurance! AND I got some ceramic pigs!
F/X
WOOSH
V/O:
Lottery-winner John had terrible trouble with piles... of inaccessible cash!
JOHN:
I had loads of money but just couldn't get to it because of compulsory installation of unheard-of security software, and ridiculous password criteria. (UPBEAT) But, since downgrading from HSBC Global Supremacy Edition to Midland Bank, I've actually managed to phone through to a human AND I've been given a cheque book!
F/XWOOSH
V/O:
Margaret went right back to the beginning.
MARGARET:
My bank went from swimming in ridiculous amounts of fictitious money to a building society having a smaller amount of genuine money in vaults and they stopped trying to sell me insurance with everything! I had to give all my shares back but the staff are a damn sight happier! AND I rediscovered something I assumed was obsolete: interest rates!
V/O:
So, downgrade your bank now! You know it makes sense! (QUICK, SMALLPRINT VOICE) Smallprint could become a thing of the past. They didn't used to have it, you know? But we have to put it here until you downgrade. Go on. Go on go on go on go on go on. Do it now!
END