British Comedy Guide

Grand Plans - new sitcom idea

Just started this tonight and would like some feedback as to whether it's worth carrying on with.
It feels a little cliche to me but I don't know if it's ever been done as a series idea before, probably been done in sketches quite a lot.

Enjoy (or not)

ACT I

Scene 1

INT.BEDROOM - DAY

JUSTIN is standing staring admiringly into a full length mirror.
He is wearing a dark purple cloak with red insignias. MAUREEN enters.

JUSTIN

(flourishing)

What do you think, Mother?

MAUREEN

Oooh, I don't think that red goes very well with the purple, Justin.

JUSTIN

How many times, Mother, I should always be addressed as Xytron when I am wearing my grand outfit.

MAUREEN

Don't make a fuss love, just pass me it here and I'll pull the stitches out.

Justin obediently removes his cloak and hands it to Maureen.

MAUREEN

You should try Teal, that's more your colour.

JUSTIN

Teal is neither dark or regal, mother. Maybe black.

MAUREEN

Oh yes son. I'm sure the leaders of the world will be grateful to bow before a man covered in cat hairs and sweat marks.

JUSTIN

That infernal creature should not be allowed to enter my lair

MAUREEN

He's only molting, Justin. Besides, I need someone to keep me company when you're off cavorting.

JUSTIN

(impatient)

Are my minions here yet?

MAUREEN

They're in my parlour. I don't like that Jenny, she looks like one of them Nemoes.

JUSTIN

Her name is Black Widow mother, she's a ruthless assassin of the night.

MAUREEN

She's a mardy cow.

Justin

Just send them in!

Maureen pretends not to have heard.

JUSTIN

Please?

MAUREEN

I don't bloody know, you'd never have spoken to me like that if your father was still alive.

Maureen walks out. COLIN, ANDREW and JENNY enter dressed in their
uniforms of evil, heads bowed.

JUSTIN

I trust you bring me good news? You have acquired the weapon?

ANDREW

We have, oh excellent one.

JENNY passes Justin a long silver tube with flashing lights.

JUSTIN

Excellent! With this excelcion ray we can render Captain Dynamic utterly helpless.

Justin passes the excelcion ray back to Jenny.

COLIN

How do we do that, Boss?

JUSTIN

With considerable ease, Crushbot. We shall set a simple trap. His foolish compassion for the innocent will be his downfall. One of us shall pose as a helpless victim of a street robbery.

Justin, Andrew and Colin stare at Jenny.

JENNY

F**k off!

JUSTIN

Er, naturally the Black Widow shall be required to operate the excelcion ray. Professor Logic will make an ideal..

ANDREW

Can't make it I'm afraid, we're up against the Crown and Anchor tonight.

JUSTIN

(impatient)

The attack is planned for this afteroon.

ANDREW

But it's my turn to make the sandwiches.

JUSTIN

Very well, I shall pose as the victim of the mugging, Crushbot. You shall play the part of the mugger.

COLIN

Okay Boss. (aggressive) Give me your money, now!

JUSTIN

No, don't mug me now, you imbecile!

Suddenly CAPTAIN DYNAMIC enters wearing his hero costume.

CAPTAIN DYNAMIC

Halt! Evil doer.

JUSTIN

Dynamic!

CAPTAIN DYNAMIC

Xytron? You evil creature, what are you up to now?

JUSTIN

(gesturing to Jenny)

Now? (gesture) What do you mean, (gesture) Now?

Jenny ignores Justin. She is staring besottedly at Captain Dynamic.

CAPTAIN DYNAMIC

Be warned, Xytron, I'm always watching you.

JUSTIN

(gesturing manically to Jenny)

What even, (gesture) now?

CAPTAIN DYNAMIC

Always, Xytron.

Captain Dynamic exits heroically. Justin stares after him then looks
at Jenny arms out in exasperation.

JENNY

(arrogant)

What?

JUSTIN

Nothing!

it's cliche in the sense that there's a bungling villian and a superhero. It's also very similar to the south park "rubbish superhero/villain" relationships the kids sometimes play. It's also similar to a lot of other stuff like the incredibles e.t.c

The superhero/villain angle is a difficult one to bring a fresh perspective to and I don't think this is a fresh perspective, but that doesn't mean to say it's bad.

I think the above is reasonably funny, it has good lines, but it needs more depth, more character. Just continuing this linear storyline makes it quite plain and uninteresting, but if you add some more conflict, some more detail and develop the characters a bit more, that might prove interesting. It doesn't come across like you know where this is going (partly becuase it's written like a sketch and partly because you didn't finish it)

Work on your premise a bit more, at first I thought as his mum is making his outfits in his bedroom, he must be a kid/teen and thus it's set in the "normal" world, then he acquired this "weapon" that I assumed was just a shiny prop as he's a kid...then this actual omnipotent superhero turned up...making me think that this is infact set in a "super" world. Then I was confused. Then a little bored. Then pretty hungry. Then I went back to being confused.

In summary my advice would be - absolutly finish it. Don't give me a sketch and expect me to see a sitcom!

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