In the form of a letter/email/Facebook post/rejected Newsjack sketch...
ANWAR:Yo, Mahmoud. Whaddup dog? Al Quaeda here. Heard your speech to the UN last week and nearly dropped a load! Dude, what are you on? You told them the Twin Towers couldn't have been brought down by aircraft?? FFS, are you seriously saying my crew didn't do it? If I didn't know better I'd say you been hitting the shisha a little too hard. What next? Jamie Lee Curtis is a man? The Royals had Diana bumped off? The 2004 Florida vote was rigged? Ok that last one I'll give you.
But seriously. I'm starting to think your saying we didn't do 9/11 is....jealousy - there I said it. We struck the Great Satan in a way you losers in Iran never could and you're just lashing out! To be honest bro, my boys out here in Yemen are saying - 'Let's waste that mofo - pop a cap in his ass!' But I say 'No - this is not our way. If Al Quaeda stands for anything it's calm, reason and nonviolence.'
But carry on like this and people will think you're one of these nutjobs who use the internet to spread their crackpot theories and crazy beliefs, and nobody wants that.
Dude - I know you're one of the good guys, but please - let's bring some common sense to the debate and ditch the wacky conspiracy theories. By the way - how's the plutonium doing? Rich enough for ya?
Y'know - we should meet for a night out. Just the two of us. Don't know about you, but I'm dying to see 'Rock of Ages.' I know - it's retro, but remember those spandex pants we wore in '86? You remember! (SINGS) "The Final Countdowwwwn!' Ah, great days!
Anyway, this is your buddy Anwar al-Awlaki saying 'keep it real G.'
Better sign off now - I think I hear someone at the door.
