Here's a reject from a couple of weeks ago, that has suddenly become topical again.
Dan
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Cameron's Female Popularity
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JUSTIN:
After a raft of policy changes effecting the female population that make Mel Gibson seem like Emmeline Pankhurst, David Cameron's popularity with women has unsurprisingly fallen. To discuss this further, we have here Newsjack's Unpopularity Expert, Nick Clegg. Nick, it seems David is not as popular as he once was.
NICK:
(PAUSE) YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Woohoo! Get *in*!
JUSTIN:
Erm, Nick?
NICK:
Ahem, yes, sorry Justin. Lost it for a moment there.
JUSTIN:
No problem. So, how would you advise Mr Cameron to raise his popularity with the ladies?
NICK:
He can't. (STIFLES GIGGLE)
JUSTIN:
No? Why not?
NICK:
Because *I'm* the one popular with the lade-eeez. (SINGS) Oh, yeah, go Nicky, go Nicky, go Nicky!
JUSTIN:
Really?
NICK:
(LAUGHS) Surely you remember, Justin, that I have in fact slept with... no more than 30 women.
JUSTIN:
But that could be zero--
NICK:
It's not zero, ok! It's no more than 20!
JUSTIN:
Twenty? I thought you said thirty?
NICK:
Thirty! I mean thirty! In fact, it's forty! No, fifty!
JUSTIN:
It's not even twenty, is it?
NICK:
(PAUSE, THEN SMALL) ... no...
JUSTIN:
(SIGHS) How many was it?
NICK:
... two--
JUSTIN:
--Just a boobie-feel doesn't count.--
NICK:
--One. (SOBS)
JUSTIN:
Thank you, Nick Clegg, for an instantaneous improvement in Mr Cameron's popularity there. Who said politician's take an age to get results?
END