NJ: Lightspeed Neutrino

JUSTIN:
This week, scientists at CERN, which operates the Large Hadron Collider, have announced that they may have discovered sub-atomic particles that can travel faster than the speed of light. If true, this will turn the world of physics on its head, which, if nothing else, will leave some shocking dandruff on the carpet. Here at Newsjack, we're very fortunate to have got hold of recordings of the actual neutrinos involved in the experiments.

[FX: Speeding Cars]

NEUTRINO 1:
Isn't this great? Just you, me, and the open road. Two neutrinos with a whole world of possibilities in front of us.

NEUTRINO 2:
No! It's not great. We're lost, aren't we? Do you even know where we are?

NEUTRINO 1:
I know we're in CERN somewhere, but c'mon! We're 100 metres underground, there's no SatNav signal.

NEUTRINO 2:
CERN! Where they have those particle accelerators? No wonder it feels like we've been going round in circles! You never stop to ask directions, do you?

NEUTRINO 1:
I know where we are! Look, see that sign? Large Hadron Collider.

NEUTRINO 2:
What?! That place is an accident black spot! I swear to the God particle, you'll be the death of me.

NEUTRINO 1:
You know, for a neutrino, you're actually pretty negative. Chill!

NEUTRINO 2:
Oh, great, what's this now? Average speed cameras! Do you even know what speed you're doing?

NEUTRINO 1:
Relax, I'm not going any faster than the speed of light.

NEUTRINO 2:
You are! I'm looking at the speedo, Stig Neutrino! That says you're doing two hundred and ninety nine million, seven hundred and ninety eight thousand, four hundred and fifty four metres per second, what are you gonna do if you get pulled by the cops?

NEUTRINO 1:
Oh, chill out, I'll just tell them that Chris Huhne's wife was driving.

END.

So...

I think the problem with this one is that maybe it's too niche. Is it really common knowledge that the particle accelerator is circular? Or that neutrinos have a neutral charge? That the LHC was built to look for the God particle? I could go on...

The punchline could be stronger, and Chris Huhne's driving habits probably aren't really current any more, but I think it is still in people's minds. At least I told myself that after they had stuff on about Hollywood bad guys being played by British actors, and Maggie Thatcher saying the "Lady's not for turning" during the Top Gear drag race in the previous episode...

This should just be a quickie:

JUSTIN:
This week, scientists at CERN, which operates the Large Hadron Collider, have announced that they may have discovered sub-atomic particles that can travel faster than the speed of light. If true, this will turn the world of physics on its head, which, if nothing else, will leave some shocking dandruff on the carpet. Here at Newsjack, we're very fortunate to have got hold of recordings of the actual neutrinos involved in the experiments.

[FX: Speeding Cars]

NEUTRINO:
WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR RRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even see where the f**k I'm goooooooo-innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngg!

END

Now THAT's funny!

Enjoyed this one, especially

NEUTRINO 1:
You know, for a neutrino, you're actually pretty negative. Chill!

I admit I do tend to read science articles, but this one was pretty much the top story for a few days so I don't think it's too niche.

I agree, I don't think the story was niche, just the jokes I put in the sketch...

Cheers 3songs.

I think the problem with your sketch is that it's just two people talking really. Nowt really happens and with them being neutrinos you could play with people's expectations and surprise them with action. *Always* have some action somewhere.

Dan

Thanks guys, this is all good stuff, cheers!

I liked it, it had a similar feel to the 'motherboard' sketch from Ep 1, but probably needed to be tightened quite a bit for greater impact (I'd say be ruthless and cut about half of the gags - but definitely NOT the 'average speeed cameras' one!).

Here's one line that I did cut from somewhere...

NEUTRINO 2: Look at the state of this car, have you ever had it cleaned inside?

NEUTRINO 1: No way, man! Nature abhors a vacuum!