Stand back.....very bad joke coming through......
My wife went to the doctor because she had a swollen fanny.
He prescribed her a Panty-inflammatory
Your worst joke Page 7
Quote: Will Cam @ October 10 2011, 7:57 PM BSTStand back.....very bad joke coming through......
My wife went to the doctor because she had a swollen fanny.
He prescribed her a Panty-inflammatory
"adopts Alice in VicDib voice. . . "
'So these panties inflate to stop rubbing on the, er, ladies private bits do they ?'
Quote: Oldrocker @ October 10 2011, 10:07 PM BST"adopts Alice in VicDib voice. . . "
'So these panties inflate to stop rubbing on the, er, ladies private bits do they ?'
By rights which two women should be the world's best at the coxless pair?
Noara and Doara.
Stolen from another forum:
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so for a laugh I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face.
My wife went f**king mental when she looked in his cot!
A man was arrested for attempting to drown a woman multiple times. He argued that he needed an 'oar' for his rowing boat.
What is the most shocking fruit in the world? It could be Ampears.
I've written a piece of music about Bill Clinton's Vice President using mathematical sequencing, it's an Al Gore rhythm.
A white horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Hey, I've got a whisky named after you!' 'What?' Says the horse, 'Eric!'
Quote: Tony Cowards @ November 20 2011, 11:53 PM GMTI've written a piece of music about Bill Clinton's Vice President using mathematical sequencing, it's an Al Gore rhythm.
Apparently they've discovered a new quantum particle which resembles a tiny tiny buffalo..
They've named it the Higgs-Bison.
Quote: roscoff @ November 21 2011, 11:40 AM GMTA white horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Hey, I've got a whisky named after you!' 'What?' Says the horse, 'Eric!'
That jokes older than you and that's pretty old.
Quote: sootyj @ November 21 2011, 12:00 PM GMTThat jokes older than you and that's pretty old.
It's a classic. Much like myself 
Quote: sootyj @ November 21 2011, 12:00 PM GMTThat jokes older than you and that's pretty old.
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.
(Cockney accent needed.)
(Cockney accent needed.)
http://www.celebritiesfans.com/addresses/actors/dick-van-dyke
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'
'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.
'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.
'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'
'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?'
'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.'
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!'
'Sounds Marvelous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.'
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.'
'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'
'At the circus,' says the barman.
'The circus?' repeats the duck.
'That's right,' replies the barman.
'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'
'Yeah,' the barman replies.
'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the duck.
'Of course,' the barman replies.
'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck.
'That's right!' says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ....
'What the f**k would they want with a plasterer??!'