Meet us at the Table

A sketch I've just written 15 minutes ago for a live comedy sketch show I'm directing and performing in Exeter. I've only just started writing sketches so be gentle.

Meet us at the Table
By James Cotter

Bill Turner a northern man addresses the audience.

Bill Turner: Come on now settle down, settle down. I'm glad to see so many of you turned out today and it warms my heart to see so many of my brothers turn in force. As you know I've bought you hear today to vote on a vital matter of the gravest importance, it's something that will affect your children and your children's children and I know we must stand firm on it. The whole company could go under if this matter is not fully resolved today. We have been fighting against a tide of bureaucracy, cuts and unfair and unjustified demands. But my brothers and sisters we shall not let them take this one last bastion of hope, of dignity away from us. We shall fight them with any means necessary. I will not as your elected union leader let this happen on my watch. As the late great Winston Churchill said in a time of great trouble, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never, never surrender.

A cheer is heard.

Bill Turner: Thank you my friends. Just remember that when that time comes to stand up to these politicians, these law makers. I say our time is now and I call for industrial action against these harsh and unfair legislations. I say don't legislate, negotiate! Come and meet us at the table. All those in favour say aye.

The crowd in unison shout aye.

Bill Turner: So my brothers the vote is carried we'll go to The White Heart on the 22nd for the Christmas dinner, Sue are you having beef or turkey?

It's a lovely sketch but there isn't a laugh for a while during the speech although the passion is well written. Could you perhaps adapt the Churchill speech to make comparisons with the current setting? (We'll fight them in the chippie etc)
The character is well developed in the short space, maybe end with 'beef or turkey; a vote of vital importance' and so on to show he's going to do the speech for every minor decision..

Hmm, I suppose, technically speaking, this is a sketch, but it's really more of a one-liner - with a lot of padding. And I'm not convinced the long build up complements the rather weakish punchline either. So it's a 'no' from me.

Sorry, chap.

Quote: AJGO @ September 28 2011, 1:49 PM BST

It's a lovely sketch but there isn't a laugh for a while during the speech although the passion is well written. Could you perhaps adapt the Churchill speech to make comparisons with the current setting? (We'll fight them in the chippie etc)
The character is well developed in the short space, maybe end with 'beef or turkey; a vote of vital importance' and so on to show he's going to do the speech for every minor decision..

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Thank you. I quite like the idea of that final line but I think as it's only a quick sketch all the build up stuff shouldn't be what you expect it to be. It's interesting as I've written a much longer sketch which hints all of the way through of it's final tag. I'll put on here.

Quote: don rushmore @ September 28 2011, 1:57 PM BST

Hmm, I suppose, technically speaking, this is a sketch, but it's really more of a one-liner - with a lot of padding. And I'm not convinced the long build up complements the rather weakish punchline either. So it's a 'no' from me.

Sorry, chap.

View original

Okay thanks for reading it.

Not bad but build up is long without laughs. Add some character-based laughs in the opening speech. Also, union leaders would be far more likely to invoke Labour politicians like Nye Bevan than to quote Churchill.

Quote: Badge @ September 28 2011, 2:17 PM BST

Not bad but build up is long without laughs. Add some character-based laughs in the opening speech. Also, union leaders would be far more likely to invoke Labour politicians like Nye Bevan than to quote Churchill.

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I thought of that but I think the Churchill quote would be far more recognisable and even a union leader respects the wartime government of Churchill.

Oddly for once I agree with Don. A huge amount of padding for a very simple one line joke.

In a more conventional sketch you would be over emphasising and exagerating how the workers were abused.

Otherwise it's a bit underpowered.

Quote: sootyj @ September 28 2011, 4:29 PM BST

Oddly for once I agree with Don. A huge amount of padding for a very simple one line joke.

In a more conventional sketch you would be over emphasising and exagerating how the workers were abused.

Otherwise it's a bit underpowered.

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I said earlier about how it's interesting that some people favour one technique over the other in regards to giving clues to the tag like my other sketches. Might re-write this one with hints and see if it works but really I'm just experimenting at this stage I'm no pro like you lot.

Well look at the redtape one and how that worked.

So this one can be simplified to the same level?

Quote: sootyj @ September 28 2011, 4:34 PM BST

Well look at the redtape one and how that worked.

So this one can be simplified to the same level?

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I'll give it a go.