Dragons Den - NJ Reject

FX: Dragons Den Intro Music

EWAN DAVIES
Welcome back to the Den. our next entrepreneur is 39 year old Daniel Alexander from Inverness, looking for a substantial investment in his tax policy

GRAMS: Dragons Den Intro Music

DANNY ALEXANDER
My names Danny Alexander, I work for the Treasury, and me & my new team of tax inspectors are looking for Seven Billion Pounds, from 50% of your income, to reduce the deficit by 2015

EWAN DAVIES
In an ambitious pitch, Westminster based Mr Alexander is looking to revolutionise the nation's tax system. Peter Jones looks bewildered

PETER JONES
Where are you expecting this money to come from Danny?

DANNY ALEXANDER
From tax avoiders in the 50% band, i.e. very wealthy individuals such as yourself

PETER JONES
Wealthy? I wish I was Danny

DANNY ALEXANDER
What about that huge pile of cash in front of you

PETER JONES
Where?

DANNY ALEXANDER
You've just moved it behind your back! I saw you do it!!

EWAN DAVIES
In a troubling blow for Mr Alexander, Peter Jones has declared he doesn't have enough money to qualify for his tax policy, Deborah Meaden is next to step up

DEBORAH MEADEN
Hi Danny, I just have one question...could I borrow two quid for the bus home?

DANNY ALEXANDER
Deborah I walked past your Rolls Royce on the way in.

DEBORAH MEADEN
Not mine Danny, I walked here

DANNY ALEXANDER
What about those expensive clothes

DEBORAH MEADEN
What clothes?

EWAN DAVIES
In a chilling den first, Deborah is now naked and pleading poverty, this pitch has not got off to the best start, Duncan Bannatyne is up next....

FX - Footsteps/ Door Slam / Tyres Screech

Unbelievable scenes in the den as yet another Dragon is out - Danny's last hope of securing an investment now rests with Cypriot born Theo Paphetis

THEO PAPHETIS
Ahhh Yai Sou Danny!! you want kebab my friend? cheeseburger chips?

DANNY ALEXANDER
(SIGHS)

Hi comedyoflife

First, the technicality is that it requires five impressions and, realistically, Lewis can only do one at a time. In fact, as there are only four cast members (two male, two female), I'd stick with that as a character limit.

Also, Dragon's Den sketches are a bit old hat now. And it doesn't feel very Newsjack in tone. And the ending is a bit weak.

Dan

I thought this was very funny

Thanks chaps, I agree that the ending isn't strong and I hear you on the old hat comments absolutely, appreciate the restrictions around the cast too. All good comments.

The more I write, the more I realise that some of the most seemingly effortless and "simple" ideas are in fact the most complicated and require the best writing.

I can take any number of Dragon's Den spoofs so I quite liked this. Thought it was pretty tight, though as Dan says the ending is a bit weak (as well as racist). Wouldn't a grams of vomiting work better after the Meaden 'what clothes' line?

I thought it was terrific.
Make sure you post more of your rejects along the way. as I'd definitely like to have look.

Thought this was very slick and funny, if not such a great out. Dan makes a valid point about the limitations of the format though.

thanks everyone - that Grams out is a great suggestion, really needed a punchline...

i didn't submit anything last week as I was away, which was a real shame as I really missed the expectation and tension on the thursday. Will defo try and get some sketches in this week and they'll end up here come rain or shine.

Dragons Den spoofs are done; spoof a newer show.

I'd rather see someone do something Old Hat well than do something original poorly.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 30 2011, 2:26 PM BST

I'd rather see someone do something Old Hat well than do something original poorly.

View original

I wouldn't say it was 'old hat', just that it's a show that has been spoofed A LOT in the last few years, and as a comedy writer it makes sense to steer away from something like that.

The sketch itself is well done, but I imagine most people at the show would sigh when faced with another Dragons Den spoof and the writer would then be facing an uphill battle.

I'm amazed that this didn't make the cut, it's inspired.