NJ: 3 Mad Drs

FX SOUND OF OFFICE
RECEPTIONIST
Mrs Jones, the Drs will see you now.
FX SOUND OF TUTOR ENTERING A MURMURING CLASS ROOM
TUTOR
Excellent.
FX MRS JONES ENTERING CLASSROOM
Right Blackberries off and instruments down
FX CLATTERING OF INSTRUMENTS HITTING FLOOR
All of them!
FX SOUND OF HI POWERED LAZER BEING TURNED OFF
You Drs all here because you want to keep practising medicine in the NHS; and the government now expect you to sit a basic skills test. That will measure your spoken English and understanding of English cultural norms.
DR1(POSH)
This is rubbish I speak better English than most of my patients; lower class scumbags the lot of them.
DR2 (GERMANIC)
Yah this is most unjust I too speak good English.
DR3(ROBOTIC)
And I'm being persecuted because I'm disabled.
TUTOR
Settle down! And Dr Doom being a cyborg is not a disability.
DR2
You're not even judging the quality of my work. I had a 3 car pile up last week with 12 victims and they all walked out of my hospital.
TUTOR
In the same freakish unnatural body Dr Frankenstein! We in the NHS are here to provide medical treatment free at the point of delivery. Not challenge the very laws of God and Nature themselves.
DR1
I know what you mean old bean. I had this woman who was grossly overweight and after surgery with me she was eating like a bird.
TUTOR
That Dr Morrow is because you turned her into a bird. We in the NHS pride ourselves on our patients at least staying the same species they came into hospital.
DR3
Yes you're both right. I bring great expertise to the NHS in laser surgery and they put me on this ridiculous course like an illiterate East European plumber.
TUTOR
Dr Doom we wanted a Dr capable of performing basic laser surgery on patients haemorrhoids. Not threatening to blow up the Eiffel Tower with a doom ray.
DR3
Pah my doom ray can do both.
TUTOR
Oh none of you are listening to me. You Mad Drs are making me mad; I've got a good mind to fail you all.
DR3
We don't care we've all got new jobs.
DR1
Better paying jobs where we are free from your petty NHS rules. We're the new presenter on Channel 5's vile bodies.
DR2
Yah we make fun of the sick and freakish for the viewing public.
DR1
Stuff your poxy NHS contracts.

TUTOR
Oh that won't help. By the time the government cuts hit Vile Bodies will be replacing the NHS. You'll still be working for us.
DR3
I knew I should have stuck to running my own evil empire.

There are some nice laughs, but the sketch sprawls a bit. And it is DR MOREAU!

That is true it's a bit of a shaggy dog, but I thought the individual laughs were greater than the slightly weak whole.

Sprawly but good in parts - appropriately.

Well I enjoyed writing it so not a complete waste.

I think the 3 drs arguing was fun so may reserrect it in the future.

Oh and hello again Godot!

Just got out of the Scrubs. Three plasmas and a pair of Reeboks. Amazing what you can nick out of the back of a police van.

For a moment I thought you said you'd been watching Scrubs, that would have worried me.

Thanks Timbo, cos I was confused up till then.

Decent sketch, soots. Would have worked a lot better if you'd concentrated on a single doctor, I think, and then called another one in at the end as the punchline. As it stands it feels like three sketches.

Actually, scrub that -- you should have written three sketches as a runner. That would have worked too. Less confusing.

Dan

Thanks all though even my ego doesn't stretch to sending newsjack a runner