Attention seeking....

Here's a sketch. In my opinion it's not bery good, but lately i've been hating everything i do. heh

INT. OFFICE. DAY

An attractive man goes over to the water cooler. A group of three girls stand around and watch him.

GIRL #1
(to Girl #2)
Go on.

GIRL #2
What, no? You do it.

GIRL #1
I’m not going do it. You do it.

GIRL #3
For god sake, I’ll do it.

The 3rd girl goes over to the man and purposely drops a piece of paper in front of him.

GIRL #3 (CONT’D)
Oops.

As she bends over, her thong is in full view. She moves back and fourth, trying to grab the man’s attention. Nothing. She does it again. Nothing.

Finally, she gives up.

GIRL #1
(to Girl #3)
How did he not take any notice of you?

GIRL #3
I dunno, maybe he’s blind?

GIRL #1
All right, ladies. I’m going in.

As the 2nd girl goes over to the man she says…

GIRL #1 (CONT’D)
Oh, my shoe is untied. I better just, you
know…

All of a sudden she lifts her leg high up onto the water cooler, revealing her stockings. She tries to grab the man’s attention by stroking her legs. Nothing. She then bends over to reveal her cleavage. Nothing. She tries other things. Again, nothing.

Finally, she retreats back over to the girls.

GIRL #3
Nothing?

GIRL #1
Nope.

GIRL #3
Is he gay?

GIRL #2
I… I don’t think so.

GIRL #1
Fine. Well, it’s all up to you.

GIRL #2
Do I really have to?

GIRL #3
Yeah, of course you do. Look, just try and be
nice, you know? Subtle.

GIRL #2
Subtle? All right.

The 2nd girl prepares herself. As she taps the man on the shoulder he turns around.

Suddenly, she lifts up her top, exposing her breasts for only him to see. She then grabs his head and rubs it up against her body. After a moment she lets go. The attractive man looks shocked.

Finally, the 2nd girl goes back over to the other girls.

GIRL #2
I think that went well, don’t you?

Put this sketch in the right comedic environment like 'Smack the Pony' and I think it would work beautifully.

I liked the sketch aswell, and not just because of the nudity. I agree with Baumski it needs to be performed in the right context but it should work.

I liked that. Very good.xx

I thought the core of it was pretty good but was disappointed by the end. To turn it slightly, there was a (true I think) case of a guy who was eventually discovered sitting at his desk who had been dead for three days but nobody had noticed. If you alter the beginning a bit to have the guy just at his desk, maybe staring at a computer screen, then the girls trying to turn him on as you have it already (discussing whether he's blind or gay an' all)... when the last one does the boob job you could have the man fall off his chair in a state of extreme rigor mortise ... then there are various last line 'revelation' options and dialogue possibilities (like maybe girl#2: that's the best stiffy I've given a man for ages). Anyway, it's up to you, it's your piece ... good though!

Quote: Baumski @ June 25, 2007, 11:58 AM

Put this sketch in the right comedic environment like 'Smack the Pony' and I think it would work beautifully.

View original

I agree...immedietly thought of the thong sketch on Smack the Pony

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioW-VLwx0ec

Hilarious!!

I've never seen that, hmph.

Quote: hotzappa11 @ June 25, 2007, 11:24 AM

Here's a sketch. In my opinion it's not bery good, but lately i've been hating everything i do. heh

INT. OFFICE. DAY

An attractive man goes over to the water cooler. A group of three girls stand around and watch him.

GIRL #1
(to Girl #2)
Go on.

GIRL #2
What, no? You do it.

GIRL #1
I’m not going do it. You do it.

GIRL #3
For god sake, I’ll do it.

The 3rd girl goes over to the man and purposely drops a piece of paper in front of him.

GIRL #3 (CONT’D)
Oops.

As she bends over, her thong is in full view. She moves back and fourth, trying to grab the man’s attention. Nothing. She does it again. Nothing.

Finally, she gives up.

GIRL #1
(to Girl #3)
How did he not take any notice of you?

GIRL #3
I dunno, maybe he’s blind?

GIRL #1
All right, ladies. I’m going in.

As the 2nd girl goes over to the man she says…

GIRL #1 (CONT’D)
Oh, my shoe is untied. I better just, you
know…

All of a sudden she lifts her leg high up onto the water cooler, revealing her stockings. She tries to grab the man’s attention by stroking her legs. Nothing. She then bends over to reveal her cleavage. Nothing. She tries other things. Again, nothing.

Finally, she retreats back over to the girls.

GIRL #3
Nothing?

GIRL #1
Nope.

GIRL #3
Is he gay?

GIRL #2
I… I don’t think so.

GIRL #1
Fine. Well, it’s all up to you.

GIRL #2
Do I really have to?

GIRL #3
Yeah, of course you do. Look, just try and be
nice, you know? Subtle.

GIRL #2
Subtle? All right.

The 2nd girl prepares herself. As she taps the man on the shoulder he turns around.

Suddenly, she lifts up her top, exposing her breasts for only him to see. She then grabs his head and rubs it up against her body. After a moment she lets go. The attractive man looks shocked.

Finally, the 2nd girl goes back over to the other girls.

GIRL #2
I think that went well, don’t you?

View original

This sketch is pretty funny but it would be better if it had Melanie C in it.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ June 26, 2007, 12:52 PM

This sketch is pretty funny but it would be better if it had Melanie C in it.

View original

Oh, crikey...

But about the sketch... it was likeable and funny... although I agree with Mike in that the ending could have been a bit sharper.

I'd personally like to see more originality in sketches. A couple of comments liken it to something that could be seen on STP... which is fine but I think it's always better to go for something original... and individual to you.

I'd rather have Ginger.

I liked it too.

And it`s true, sometimes no matter what a girl does, she just can`t get a guy`s attention.

Quote: Jude @ June 26, 2007, 2:30 PM

I liked it too.

And it`s true, sometimes no matter what a girl does, she just can`t get a guy`s attention.

View original

You can't be that rough are you Jujde?

Quote: Jude @ June 26, 2007, 2:30 PM

I liked it too.

And it`s true, sometimes no matter what a girl does, she just can`t get a guy`s attention.

View original

Stop going for the blind fellas Jude. I always find that someone shouting fire gets my attention (unless its Alan Sugar)

I liked it. I haven't seen STP but I think it would fit in Green Wing S

Sorry Jude - I think you're lovely!