Newsjack rejected sketch - 15/09/2011

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN SYRUP

GRAMS:JAMES BOND THEME

VOICEOVER MANV.O) Soon, the world will once again depend on the services of one man, a man who would rather be elsewhere. This summer, Alan Bennett is James Bond in "The Man with the Golden Syrup".

ALAN BENNETT:The other day I was sitting at a bingo table in Monte Carlo, supping the remains of my glass of Cognac when a young lady came over to me. She asked me my name. "Bond", said I. "James Bond". She asked me if I'd like to poker. I explained that I'd just eaten an entire Jacob's cracker selection box and it had given me a cheese headache.

VOICEOVER MANV.O) Co starring Alan Rickman as the evil Tatum Lyle.

ALAN RICKMANSLOWLY) I can't believe it's not butter.

VOICEOVER MANV.O) And featuring Patricia Routledge as female agent Anita Sucket.

ANITAh for heaven's sake, it's pronounced soo-kay, dear.

VOICEOVER MANV.O) The Man with the Golden Syrup. Coming this winter.

ALAN BENNETTo you expect me to talk?

ALAN RICKMAN:Yes Mr Bond, probably using a monologue.

GRAMS:END OF JAMES BOND THEME

END

Having never seen an Alan Bennett film\play (that I know of) the style went a little over my head. The Cheese headache made me laugh though.... I'm so lowbrow

Hmm. Alan Bennett as Bond is quite a nice idea, but there's just no topical angle for this. File away until there is.

Fair point but I didn't think the film trailers needed to be topical, like for example the Batman-man one from the last series.

Even that had a topical tag (The new Superman and the new Spider-Man being British). Pretty much every sketch will always have a topical tag, regardless of how tenuous it might be.

Gotcha. There was an Alan Bennett gag on Mock the Week last night, if he makes the news this week I'll be gutted.