Completing the trilogy of my rejected Newsjack entries:
Larry the Number 10 Cat
JUSTIN:
Hearts were warmed last week, by the news that Larry the Number 10 cat has found himself a girlfriend. Joining me now to discuss this, is Lynn Carmichael, who works in Downing Street.
LYNNE:
Hello Justin.
JUSTIN:
Now, I understand it's a tabby named Maisie who's captured Larry's heart!
LYNNE:
Yes, that's right.
JUSTIN:
Do you think her affection's genuine, or is she merely a social climber?
LYNNE:
Look, all I know is that she's enriched Larry's life!
JUSTIN:
In what way?
LYNNE:
Well, prior to meeting her, Larry had been bitten by the black dog...
JUSTIN:
Was it put down?
LYNNE:
I'm sorry?
JUSTIN:
The dog that bit him?
LYNNE:
No - I mean he was suffering from depression!
JUSTIN:
Oh, I see! (BEAT) Do you know why?
LYNNE:
I think it had something to do being surrounded by politicians 24/7.
JUSTIN:
Well if that's the case, then surely there's an argument for rehousing Larry?
LYNNE:
Perhaps - but I wouldn't want to see him separated from his soul mate!
JUSTIN:
Couldn't it arranged for Maisie to go with him?
LYNNE:
No not her - I mean Nick Clegg!
JUSTIN:
Nick Clegg?
LYNNE:
Yes - he and Larry have a very close bond! (BEAT) Which is not surprising really - considering that they're both castrated males!