NJ: Rejects

1 Head of Thames water resignsOver excessive coverage of one turd floating down river

2 The government won't make any money from 40% or 50% tax.I don't pay any either way.

3 I feel sorry for Gadaffi even his GCSE results were terribleHe didn't even get Triple E.

4 I heard that computer that can predict the future of the world.First suggestion don't bother buying me a 5 year guarantee, Palin's the next US president.

5 I can see why the police should have more ethnic minorities.It'll give them more empathy with the people they shoot.

6 I'm sending my kids to a nudist school.

It's the only way we can afford the uniforms,

7 I can't get excited about this new campaign.

For face book to have an ambivalence button.

8 To help parents meet the rising cost of child care Student loans will now start at 18 months

9 That new supercomputer has got so many mega flops it can predict the future.

10 Al Quaeda are getting an embassy.

In related news Ferrero Rocher release new chocolates with semtex filling

11 If Al Quaeda get a new embassy.Can we make Prince Andrew our ambassador to them?

12 I'm avoiding the job centre these days.

With all the soldiers there, it's a prime Taliban target.

No 12 I liked very much

I'm impressed by your ability to turn them out! For what it's worth here's my random comments.

1. Is clever but I think we all love Davis Walliams now so probably not hitting the public opinion.
2. I don't get.
3. Very Good, feels a bit shoe-horned in but I think the pay-off is worth it.
5. Is clever although perhaps a bit too edgy.
12. Same as 5.

I quite like those. 3 and 6 would have definitely got close to getting in, I bet.

Thanks guys number 2 is supposed to be a voxpop by a rich banker type.

I actually wrote about 30 and winnowed them down.

Will be using them in a standup gig next week if anyone wants to see them in glorious live sootyj vision.

nb 7 was the only one I really liked.

Favourites are 1 and 7.

I agree - knocking David Walliams isn't going to be popular at the moment. Maybe 7 was a bit too clever, but I really liked it.

No 7 although clever, passed right over me - only on second reading did I get it.

Sometimes one needs to please one's self.