JEREMY
And now Newsjack presents a new feature. Heartlines where we try and help fix broken hearts on the cheap, bit like an NHS comissioner.
Over to you Tracy.
TRACY
Now tonight I'm talking to Mustapha. And Mustapha you want to tell me about James.
MUSTAPHA
Hello Tracy. Well James started sending me the sweetest messages.
TRACY
What was in those messages.
MUSTAPHA
Oh sweet nothings. You know you've got nice hair, I like your eyes, the head of the Libyan resistance is hiding out in Hammersmith.
TRACY
How sweet Mustapha but then he asked to meetup with you?
MUSTAPHA
He invited me on holiday to Cuba. It was supposed to be a work thing, but it was so much more. Long moonlit walks along Guantanomo bay, holding hands of Libyan prisoners as he yanked the nails out with a pair of pliers.
TRACY
And then?
MUSTAPHA
And then after the invasion nothing, it's like I never existed.
TRACY
Well Mustapha we have a treat for you. Because Mustapha James is with us tonight.
JAMES
What on earth is going on here? I thought I was guest starring in Spooks. I've never seen this man before in my life, I've certainly never flown a plane over the Mediteranean whilst he pushed political dissidents out of the back.
MUSTAPHA
Oh James how can you say that?
JAMES
Because it's true....oh I can't lie you always left me shaken and stirred. Lets run away and join the Syrian secret police together!
MUSTAPHA
Oh James.
TRACY
Well that's quite a result. Next week the crowded marriage between the British government and Libyan oil