The dragons den

DAY INT

THE DRAGONS DEN SET (DOWNSTAIRS)

THE OPENING SEQUENCE

EVAN DAVIS IS DOING HIS OPENING PIECE TO CAMERA.

EVAN DAVIS
Tonight on the Dragons Den, budding entrepreneur Bill smith will be asking for a
50 thousand pound investment to develop his invention of extending toe-nail clippers
(he expands his arm to show Bill Smith just starting to walk up the stairs)

CAMERA MOVES TO EVAN DAVIS'S POV
WE SEE BILL SMITH HAS STOPPED NEARLY AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

BILL SMITH
(suprised)
F**king HELL

HE RUNS BACK DOWN THE STAIRS AS QUICK AS HIS LEGS WILL TAKE HIM.
FOLLOWED BY FLAMES AS IF SHOT FROM A FLAME THROWER.

WE CUT BACK TO A CLOSE UP OF EVAN DAVIS'S FACE
HE HAS A LOOK ON HIS FACE OF 'WHAT DID HE EXPECT'

END

It's a passable idea but I think you need to play up the dragon is really a dragon angle more.

Or it was Hilary.

I thought the extending toe nail clippers were to impress the dragon because it must be tricky for dragons to cut their toenails. Maybe have a range of dragon based products that the dragon hates?
But I really liked that the parallel came across as clear that everyone apart from the contestant/s weren't surprised by the outcome, done simply and really incorporates the theme!