ShoePie
Wednesday 31st August 2011 4:01pm
Swindon
1,645 posts
Good job on getting something made, and if this is your first filming effort then it's really good.
I think there's a lot of dialogue you could have cut. Did we need to know he went travelling etc. And lines like "You're joking right? How can you joke at a time like this?" Are just repetition.
The "sort of" line delivery made me laugh.
The opening montage had some good moody shots, I thought the wrapping paper was funny too. But did the montage need to be a minute long to sell the joke? Internet people get bored REALLY easily.
Considering you did things the hard way with your software choices I thought the grading and colours on the pictures looked really nice and elevated it above most home shot stuff. Although obviously a few encoding issues.
The sound was awful, sorry but there were large parts of the dialogue that were a strain to hear and that was a shame. And the FX needed to be a little better (Have you used www.freesound.org ?)
I've revisted sketches I've made a year later and found I could easily cut 30 seconds from a 3 minute sketch. So perhaps come back to this at a later date and make another 3 minute edit.
Good job though, even though I've been a nitpicky bastard! Anymore in the pipeline?