Fred West the early years

SCENE1
VO
ITV2 presents Fred West the early years.

WOMAN STANDING WAITING FOR A BUS.

WOMAN
It's so scary waiting for a bus at night, I hope I don't meet anyone dangerous tonight.

GRAMS OMINOUS MUSIC

FRED WEST RIDES ON, ON HIS TRICYCLE

FRED
Ello missus fancy a lift?

WOMAN
Piss off.

FRED
Knickers

SCENE2
FRED WEST HIDES BEHIND A CHAIR OR BUS OR SOMETHING

A WOMAN WALKS PAST HE LUNGES AT HER TO STRANGLE HER (HE IS VERY SHORT OR ON HIS KNEES)

HE MISSES HER AND ENDS UP PINCHING HER ARSE

WOMAN SLAPS HIM ROUND THE HEAD

WOMAN
Piss off

FRED
Knickers!

SCENE3

FRED WALKS ON STAGE HIS MUM IS WAITING FOR HIM

MUM
Come here Freddy have you been a naughty boy?

FRED
No mum honest I haven't, I haven't been trying to kill women or pimp little Rosie out neither.

MUM
Not that you scallywag. You've been burying whores under the patio again.

FRED
Haven't.

MUM
Your dad tripped on a slab and banged his head and now he's in casualty. Now take your shorts off young man!

FRED
Are you going to spank my bum.

MUM
No I'm going to take mine off and f**k your brains out.

FRED GIVES THE AUDIENCE A THUMBS UP

FRED
Result!

Fred on a tricycle I liked. It has a certain evilness about it. A serial killer using a tricycle as his transportation. The rest I could take it or leave it to be honest.

Seems like there are two different sketches here, one being the intriguing idea of the build up to adult evilness, with the humour coming from how ineffective it is when he's small. The other being him as older and trying to do out of proportion scampishness, and the twist being that he's after the 'worst' punishment.
Really effective use of language for getting the characters and set-up immediately but maybe too many issues to look into for such a short piece?

SCENE 3 does seem a bit of a disconnect

Here's an alternative

SCENE3

FRED IS ON STAGE LOOKING SAD

ROSE WALKS ON

ROSE
Hello Fred

FRED
Hello Rose

ROSE
I've got something you want

FRED WINKS AT THE AUDIENCE

ROSE WALKS OFF STAGE AND COMES BACK WITH A STAGE

FRED STANDS ON THE CHAIR

A WOMAN WALKS PAST

FRED HITS HER OVER THE HEAD SHE COLLAPSES

FRED AND ROSE DRAG THE WOMAN OFF STAGE TAKING A LEG EACH.

Bits of it seemed a decent, and macarbe, caricacture.

I like the idea of a scampish would-be serial killer treating aspects of murder the way a Beano character sees the logic in the "Result".

But, all in all, if this was mine I'd view it as an intresting failure and I'm sure a superior, polished up, fully fleshed version of this idea is around the corner.

Fred West's a little too icky to be treated in any subject.
That may be hypocritical, as Hitler: The Musical works, but Fred West: The Musical, no.

Too be honest it ain't my best, but it's the kind of sick shit I used to write for News Revue all the time and thought I'd have another pop.

Whilst working on my screenplay about Karl Marx as a put upon Hull dad.

"Das caps it all!"