I'm not sure whether this idea is original, seems like a pretty obvious idea but a quick Google turned up nothing:
RECORDED VOICE:
Thank you for calling 999. Did you know you can also get emergency help via the internet through www dot directgov forward slash 999. Before continuing please ensure that you have the following information to hand. The service required, the nature of the emergency, the address or location of the emergency, your name and a daytime and evening contact number. Please press the hash key after the tone to continue if you have this information, alternatively please hang up and redial once you have got the required details.
[BEEP]
RECORDED VOICE:
For the police press 1 followed by the hash key.
For the fire brigade press 2 followed by the hash key
For an ambulance press 3 followed by the hash key
For mountain rescue press 4 followed by the hash key
For the coastguard press 5 followed by the hash key
To hear these options again press 0
[BEEP]
RECORDED VOICE:
You have selected Fire brigade. Is this correct, if so press 1 if not press 2 to return to the main menu.
[BEEP]
RECORDED VOICE:
Thank you we are now transferring you to the fire brigade, please be aware that your call may be recorded for training and quality purposes.
# HOLD MUSIC
Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot
Party people -- All around me feeling hot hot hot
What to do - On a night like this
Music sweet - I can't resist
We need a party song - A fundamental jam
RECORDED VOICE:
Thank you for calling the fire brigade, your call is important to us, please continue to hold and an operative will be with you shortly,
#HOLD MUSIC
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!
Burn baby burn! - Burn that mama down
Burnin'!
KEVIN:
Hello fire brigade, my name is Kevin, how can we help you today.
CALLER:
Help, my house is on fire, I'm trapped (Cough Cough)
KEVIN:
I'm sorry to hear that sir, I'll get you some help straight away, but first I need to ask you some security questions to confirm your identity. Can you please confirm your name, date of birth, the first line of your address, and your mothers maiden name.
CALLER:
Aaaarghh.......
[the line goes dead]
KEVIN:
Bloody crank callers, third one today.
