Another stab at Batman.

COMISSIONER GORDON IS TALKING TO BATMAN

BATMAN
Comissioner Gordon the Jokers escaped!

GORDON
Again. I heard he killed 3 guards and hijacked a bus full of Nuns, I believe he started killing hostages 5 minutes ago. It's like Saw meets the Sound of Music.

BATMAN
Don't worry comissioner that lunatic will be back in Arkham in no time.

GORDON
He was in inside for about 3 hours this time before he escaped. Not to mention the Riddler, Penguin, Cocktail Sheikh and the Man with a Stick.

BATMAN
The fight for justice is a long twilight struggle. A long crusade against the night..

GORDON
Batman I've hired some help.

BATMAN
Not mercenaries comissioner? Not that madman the Punisher or that dangerous lunatic Night Bane. Killing is not the answer.

GORDON
Satistically it is. No I hired an accountant.

BATMAN
Why?

GORDON
Last year we had 30,000 supervillain related fatalities, 2.3 billion dollars worth of property damage and 345,000 maimed civilians.

BATMAN
But Comissioner he's just painted a picture of the scale of these villains infamy.

GORDON
Funerals carried out by Wayne industry undertakers, buildings rebuilt by Wayne industries builders and people treated wit "No pain with Wayne health insurance." All at a healthy profit, too healthy. He's been knocking lead off our roofs and making us pay for repairs for too long.

BATMAN
You couldn't arrest Bruce Wayne billionaire playboy, he's rated in Tatler.

GORDON
He's about to get raped in Blackrock prison, the cops are on their way to Stately Wayne Manor.

SUPERMAN FLYS IN THROUGH THE WINDOW WITH A CARRIER BAG

SUPERMAN
Bats, Comissioner that maniac the Riddler has just set fire to the Gotham museum of fine art. Including the priceless Wayne collection of paintings of owls, I just hope someone insured them.

A CAN OF PETROL AND A BOX OF MATCHES FALL OUT OF THE CARRIER BAG

BATMAN
Bollocks.

Good idea. To long though.

Yeh might do that it's only got 3 real beats in it.

I thought it was excellent and didn't notice the length so much. Not to sound like a Guardian Arts Weekend critic, but I found it rather cerebral.

Thought it worked on two or three levels. I enjoy the idea of Wayne Enterprises benefiting from Batman's work. I read it as Adam West, out of all Bat's various incarnations, as his being the most ridiculous of adaptations suits the pathetic side to your Batman.

I saw the seed of this as an aside in another one you did a while back so this feels a good exploration of that idea.

Laughed out at the following two exchanges;

Quote: sootyj @ August 16 2011, 11:44 PM BST

Killing is not the answer.

GORDON
Satistically it is. No I hired an accountant.

View original

Quote: sootyj @ August 16 2011, 11:44 PM BST

BATMAN
You couldn't arrest Bruce Wayne billionaire playboy, he's rated in Tatler.

GORDON
He's about to get raped in Blackrock prison, the cops are on their way to Stately Wayne Manor.

View original

Interesting feedback, obviously based originally on the more Dark Knight. Which I always felt was a bit ridiculous what with villains actually killing people. And Bats still being such a f**king pious murder virgin about the whole business.

Except it sorta started in the 70s and 80s with the excelent Killing Joke and Alan Moore version.

But I think the Adam West seems cheerfully nuts in a fresh and appealing kinda way.

As soon as I read it as Christian bale it worked a lot better.

I really liked it
but I think it's slightly caught between getting the funnies in & the central premise which is very funny indeed
ie Bruce Wayne profitting from Crime or Crimefighting
In fact it may work to chuck those references in earlier to let them stew a bit.

Aah now I read it I see what you mean, hmm too edit or not to edit?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/21/batman-villains-psychoanalyzed_n_901913.html

Read this thought of you

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/8483/ https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/8975/ https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/8755/

these were the f**ked up sketches I wrote about f**ked up superheroes years
ago

I also wrote about captain misunderstood and a superhero whose only person was shitting his pants

Ahh, that gave me a laugh, against my better nature. I'd seen the flatshare one before, some sterling lines/ideas in them 3.

Not seen the battyman one before. Funny. As for the Grooming league. God knows what kind of Google searches would bring that one up...

These are defo definitely one for the Robot Chicken/Family Guy crowd. (Of which I am a part of)