New to site, new to writing - Facebook rape

Hey guys,

Wondering if you could provide come critique on this sketch. My writing is very much influenced by slap stick / online sketches and will be made for a UK student site. So the aim of the sketches is to relate to student life, however I think others will get this one too.

Anyways, Facebook rape:

Reporter: A new type of crime has occurred at universities across the UK with reported cases rising 900% in the last year alone. I'm talking of course, about Facebook rape. What is Facebook rape? Facebook rape is when someone maliciously impersonates you through your Facebook profile with the intention of causing embarrassment and social degradation. Commonly known as, a frape. Uni news investigates.

Victim 1: I left my computer unattended in the library for maybe 20 seconds to grab something from the printer. Didn't even realise I had been fraped until my dad rang me and said he was ok with me coming out of the closet. I had to explain to him that I didn't post the status "the bonds of society can't hold down my sexuality any longer, gay and proud!" I then had to explain to my mother that I am not truly a fan of the group "cocks, lube and pineapples"... I mean pineapples?!

Reporter: This type of crime has seen a sharp rise in the amount of people liking Facebook groups containing words such as cock, balls deep, I love penis in and around my mouth, and those expressing desires to be in mass mixed-ethnic orgies.

Student Councillor: It is a pressing issue that we take very seriously and have conducted research into. What we found was that 90% of frapes occur between close friends, with 40% of those being 'revenge frapes'. We advise students to 'log out, if in doubt', in order to tackle this pandemic. We also advise students never to try and serenade a homeless man with Shakespeare for food, although that's just general advice.

Reporter: Our independent research showed common activities involved with frape cases including:
- Liking everything on the victims homepage
- Joining explicit groups aim at causing long term emotional scarring
- Changing the victims birthday to the next day

Victim 2: I log on last week and see I have over 300 comments of people wishing me a happy birthday. My birthday isn't for another 7 months! Damn fraper changed my date of birth. The thing that gets you though is the psychological aspect, having that many people wish you happy birthday when it's not your birthday, something not right about that. It messes with your head; I still wake up from nightmares trying to blow out candles!

Convicted fraper: I mean it's easy, too easy. People are naïve in thinking I won't cross an entire library and use their Facebook profile to post an obscene status declaring their love for weird household items up their butt butt. I mean when the fire alarm went off in the library and everyone evacuated leaving their computers on... it was like an all you can frape buffet.

Hmm, first of all you're not really satirising anything. That's exactly how frapes work, so where's the joke?

Secondly your dialogue is to full and you explain to much.

Most of the laughs will come from your audience making intuitive leaps.

I would suggest resetting it somewhere more inexplicible? How about frapes in Westminster?

I definitely need to work on trimming it down, others have said too so thanks.

Your saying I don't need to explain as much because the audience will pick those details up? Yeah I understand that, will work on it.

I see what you mean about there not being a joke. I just thought the joke was that Facebook rapes were seen as this real problem among university students and that it has a profound impact on the people who are involved in it. However I see your point, I will work on it.

Excellent feedback dude! Look forward to more in the future, thanks.

Now you've just mentioned an absolutely killer idea albeit in the most terrible taste.

If you wrote this from the point of view of Frapes being as bad as actual rape (particularly if you make it even darker with male rape etc). It could be funny and a neat way of satirising how stupid some of these social media stories are?

Sootyj's has literally just given ya an angle that is commonly known as 'gold'.

I could not care less about these kind of sites or the kind of
Look-At-Me-And-My-Trivia/Listen-To-How-I-Have-Zero-To-Say wankers they attract... So the sketch if rewritten into a full-on Chris Morris bit would be close enough to the bone to bite hard at this 'problem'.

You should have the frape victim giving their side of the story in darkness, with an actors voiceover, maybe even a blurry reconstruction of the frape.

"I didn't want to go the police at first, in case they assumed I'd brought it upon myself"

"I can't be near a computer terminal anymore without feeling afraid, and I used to be such an outgoing person"

Then, you could have the 'fraper' under a blanket being led from court as people scream 'scum' etc at him.

Thank Sootyj then go write a v.dark v.funny sketch.