I figured this was the best place to share my experience
whilst it's still raw.
Tonight I absolutely bombed. I mean, worse than anyone ever has,
any pro, amateur, anyone, any age in any country at any level.
Not even the material, but me myself, this wasn't a first time go
as my first 3 were small competitions I'd won and then got a
longer slot... But as my name was called out and I took the mic
my hands and arms went numb for some reason. The blood rushed to my head
and I simply froze in time. On stage, mic in hand, staring at the audience
like some strange out of body experience... My mind was completely blank. A total, lucid blackout. I tranced out. Gone was the imminent run up to an attack on mediocrity and instead, I became the very thing my set was about: Idiots/Banality.
...In one split second, the lights, the crowd and the ultimate ABSURDITY
in performing jokes on a stage hit me all at once. I had no voice, no poise,
no anything. I think I even turned to the mc and said "I can't do this" or words to that effect. 
It was all an embarassing blur. (I don't think I cried for my mum)
After the event I felt so pissed off with letting myself down so badly (and the shame of it!!) and the crowd, who simply wanted to see a set. I think I got a couple of lines out through auto-response but I weren't even attached to my own voice, it was just madness! I did a few seconds more and then stopped again and said to the crowd "Seriously, I can't do this." They were nice and all "Go on, start again". I quite simply, died. I must've looked like a nutter!
Here I am offering people critiques and tips and slamming critizing famous stand ups and whatnot and I f**king choked! Badly! Who the f**k am I to advise anybody on anything, let alone insult Jack Whitehall or whoever??
The opportunity was wide open and I blew it. Never let myself down so badly, ever. This afternoon I watched 8mile (hence the sig) and the bit at the begining when eminem's on stage and he bottles it and goes and throws up? That is exactly what it was like.
Anyway, it's off my chest now. At least now I know my place and to keep my mouth buttoned if I can't back up my own talk with actions.
