Hey
I've recently had a meeting with a kids production company and they said they'd take a look at anything I've written, so I thought I'd re-visit an idea I had a couple of years back of an animated sitcom about two 9 year old detectives. The 'crimes and mysteries' wouldn't be over the top 'mad scientist wants to turn kids into bugs' or whatever, they would be crimes that kids could relate to like who pushed the girl off the monkey bars, or who keeps setting the fire alarm off etc.
Anyway, I've recently re-visited it like I said, and would like to post the first 10 pages here to get some feedback, as I assume the first 10 pages are important to set a good impression. I see the show being a show for kids and adults to enjoy, so there'll be jokes that may go over the kids heads (in fact I know they will), but an adult watching may get the reference etc.
Hope you enjoy:
The Playground Files Script
1. EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND. DAY
[THERE'S A FEW ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF BROOM BARNS PRIMARY SCHOOL DURING BREAK TIME. CHILDREN ARE PLAYING AND HAVE FUN.]
2. EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND. MONKEY BARS. DAY
[SHOT OF A GIRL PLAYING ON THE MONKEY BARS BY HERSELF. THE CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS IN AS THE MUSIC FROM 'JAWS' PLAYS UNTIL SHE IS PUSHED OFF THE MONKEY BARS FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE CAMERA.]
3. EXT. PLAYGROUND. TABLES OUTSIDE CLASSROOM. DAY
[CHARLIE AND LUCY, TWO NINE YEAR OLDS ARE SITTING ON THE TABLES OUTSIDE A CLASSROOM. CHARLIE IS A BLONDE HAIRED CHAP WITH FRECKLES AND LUCY IS A BROWN HAIRED GIRL WITH GLASSES.]
LUCY
I don't get it Charlie, we've been solving mysteries and crimes in this school since we learnt the cow jumped over the moon, but where's our praise?
CHARLIE
I know and...wait, how did the cow jump over the moon?
LUCY
The Great Toy Train robbery; we stopped it! The missing Lindbergh baby doll; we found it! There's nothing we haven't solved yet!
CHARLIE
I've never seen a cow jump over anything? Let alone a moon?
LUCY
Are you even listening to me?
CHARLIE
Do you think the cow had pogo sticks?
[AN ANNOYED LUCY REACHES INTO HER POCKET AND TAKES OUT A LEMON FLAVOURED LOLLIPOP. SHE UNWRAPS IT AND PUTS IT IN HER MOUTH.]
CHARLIE
Hey, I thought you quit? You know they make your teeth go yellow!
LUCY
It's my life.
CHARLIE
Well, it's going to be an unhealthy one if you keep going through 5 sticks a day!
[LUCY HEEDS CHARLIE'S ADVICE AND TAKES IT OUT OF HER MOUTH. SHE THROWS IT AT A POSTER ON A NEARBY WALL. THE POSTER HAS A LARGE PICTURE OF OLIVER, THE SCHOOL MONITOR ON IT AND IS ADVERTISING A SPECIAL ASSEMBLY LATER THAT DAY WHERE HE WILL BE REWARDED FOR HIS ACHIEVEMENTS. IT READS 'BEST SCHOOL MONITOR 2011'. THE LOLLIPOP INITIALLY HITS OLIVERS FACE AND SLIDES DOWN AND OFF THE POSTER. THE PICTURE ALSO FEATURES A FAKE MOUSTACHE DRAWN ON OLIVER.]
LUCY
Look at Mr. Goody two-shoes's poster. Look at me I'm the school monitor just because my dad's friends with the Headmaster!
CHARLIE
Yeah, I'm glad the bullies drew fake moustaches on him.
(CHARLIE LOOKS UNDERNEATH THE POSTER TO REVEAL A SIMILAR POSTER WITH A LARGE PICTURE OF OLIVER ON IT READING 'BEST FAKE MOUSTACHE WEARER 2011'.]
[CHARLIE EXPRESSES AN ANNOYED GRUNT.]
LUCY
It's not fair; we're not getting any recognition whereas he gets a whole celebratory assembly! Maybe we should give up on helping the school and just sit on the grass and eat daisies like those freaks over there!
[SWIFT CUTAWAY TO A BUNCH OF WEIRD LOOKING INFANTS EATING DAISIES AND SMILING PECULIARLY.]
CHARLIE
Don't worry Lucy, someday we'll get noticed. Someday we'll become the best detectives the world has ever seen and you know what unsolvable mystery we'll uncover?
LUCY
What?
CHARLIE
How that cow jumped over the moon!
[LUCY SIGHS]
[A BOY COMES RACING OVER TO LUCY AND CHARLIE.]
BOY 1
Lucy! Charlie! Come quickly, a girl called Chloe has just been pushed off the monkey bars!
[LUCY AND CHARLIE LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND RUSH OFF WITH THE KID.]
LUCY
Let's go!
4. EXT. PLAYGROUND. MONKEY BARS. DAY
[LUCY AND CHARLIE RUN OVER TO THE MONKEY BARS, A SMALL PLAYING AREA SURROUNDED BY BARK WHERE TWO GIRLS ARE HELPING UP CHLOE, A PRETTY GIRL WITH PLAITS IN HER HAIR.]
Chloe:
I was pushed! I was pushed!
SALLY
I'll take her to the medical room, you tell the teacher.
ELLIE
Okay.
LUCY
Hey, did you see who pushed her?
ELLIE
No, no one did. We were rehearsing our dance on the field.
LUCY
The drop from the monkey bars is a big fall!
CHARLIE
Did you see the shock on her face? If she doesn't recover quickly from this, she could have a fear of monkeys for life!
[LUCY NOTICES A CHOCOLATE WRAPPER ON THE FLOOR.]
LUCY
Charlie look, a chocolate wrapper. Put it in your bag!
CHARLIE
Eeew no!
LUCY
Do it, we need to collect the evidence at the scene of the crime! Look, a marker pen! It's blue! Just like the pen that's been used to graffiti those posters of Oliver! It must have been one of the bullies who pushed her!
(A HAIRBAND HITS LUCY ON THE FACE.)
LUCY
Ow! What are you doing?!
CHARLIE
It's another piece of evidence! I found it just here where she fell.
LUCY
It must be Chloe's hairband!
CHARLIE
No it couldn't have been, as her hair is in plaits today, and she wasn't missing a hair band. The person who pushed her could have been a girl too you know!
LUCY
You're right! You're a better detective then I give you credit for!
CHARLIE
...And someone's dropped all this bark. Maybe it was a local woodsman who pushed her?
LUCY
[UNIMPRESSED]
I'm pretty sure the bark was here before today Charlie.
5. INT. CLASSROOM. DAY
[IN THE CLASS 5 CLASSROOM, LUCY AND CHARLIE ARE BEING TAUGHT BY MRS. BEDWELL, A MIDDLE AGED TEACHER WITH SHORT GINGER HAIR AND GLASSES. AS MRS. BEDWELL IS SPEAKING TO THE CLASS, LUCY DRIFTS OFF INTO A DAYDREAM.]
LUCY'S DAYDREAM. INT. AWARD CEREMONY. NIGHT
[IN LUCY'S DAYDREAM, IT IS THE FUTURE WHERE SHE'S NOW A YOUNG WOMAN AND IS PRESENT AT AN AWARDS PRESENTATION. THE CHIEF CONSTABLE IS PRESENTING AN AWARD.]
CHIEF CONSTABLE
And the award for best Police officer goes to Lucy Brown, for arrested a man who last year robbed 10 houses.
[THE CROWD CHEER AS A VERY SMARTLY DRESSED GROWN UP LUCY WALKS UP TO THE STAGE. LUCY IS GIVEN THE AWARD AND AS SHE'S ABOUT TO SPEAK A MAN RUSHES ONTO THE STAGE AND GRABS THE MIC.]
MAN
Wait a minute, I've got breaking news that Oliver Freeman has arrested a man who last year robbed 25 houses.
[THE CHIEF CONSTABLE GRABS THE AWARD OFF LUCY.]
CHIEF CONSTABLE
Give me that! To Oliver, the greatest policeman of all time.
[A GIANT PICTURE OF A GROWN UP OLIVER, WHO HAS A BEAUTIFUL LADY EITHER SIDE OF HIM IS PROJECTED ON THE BACKGROUND OF THE AWARD PRESENTATION WALL.]
LUCY
[TO CHIEF CONSTABLE]
What about me?
CHIEF CONSTABLE
It's the dungeon for you!
[THE CROWD CHEER.]
[LUCY'S DAYDREAM FADES BACK INTO THE PRESENT DAY. WE THEN DRIFT TOWARDS CHARLIE WHO IS ALSO NOT LISTENING TO MRS. BEDWELL'S TEACHINGS. WE ENTER HIS DAYDREAM.]
CHARLIE'S DAYDREAM. INT. INTERROGATION ROOM. NIGHT
[IN CHARLIE'S DAYDREAM, HE IS INTERROGATING A SUSPECT. THE LIGHTING IS THE ROOM DOESN'T ALLOW US TO SEE WHO HE IS INTERROGATING YET. HE WALKS UP A DOWN THE ROOM.]
CHARLIE
You thought you would get away with it didn't you. You thought no one would find out. Obviously, you're denying it but let me ask you, does this mean anything to you?
[CHARLIE SHOWS THE SUSPECT A FRAMED PICTURE OF THE MOON.]
[THE CAMERA THEN REVEALS CHARLIE IS INTERROGATING A COW. THE COW'S SOLICITOR IS SITTING NEXT TO THE COW. THE COW ACTS NATURALLY AS A COW WOULD.]
CHARLIE
How did you jump over the moon Mr. Udders!
SOLICITER
[TO COW]
You don't have to answer that.
COW
Mooo!
[A FELLOW OFFICER ENTERS THE ROOM.]
OFFICER
Any luck?
CHARLIE
No, he's not saying anything.
OFFICER
Let me try. Just tell me who put you up to it?
[TENSE MOMENT AS WE PAUSE ON THE COWS FACE.]
COW
CHARLIE FLYNN!
CHARLIE
No, I didn't!
COW
CHARLIE FLYNN!
CHARLIE
I don't know anything about it?! It wasn't me.
COW
CHARLIE FLYNN!
CHARLIE
Stop saying it was me Mr. Udders!
[WE SWIFTLY ENTER BACK IN THE MODERN DAY. CHARLIE'S TEACHER IS SHOUTING AT HIM.]
TEACHER
Charlie Flynn! Were you even listening to a word I said?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
TEACHER
Then what is the capital of Germany?
CHARLIE
...G?
TEACHER
[FED UP]
We're studying capital cities Charlie. Sometimes I seriously wonder if any of you are paying attention to me at all.
LUCY
No, not the dungeon! Don't send me to the dungeon!!
[LUCY SUDDENLY SNAPS OUT OF HER DAYDREAM AND SMILES NERVOUSLY.]
6. INT. SCHOOL DINING ROOM. DAY
[LUCY AND CHARLIE ARE WALKING TOWARDS THE DINNER TABLES AND TALKING.]
LUCY
I've been thinking a lot about the case and I've got a fair idea of how it happened.
CHARLIE
Well, I've found out Cows can't use pogo sticks but I haven't yet ruled out a series of trampolines.
LUCY
Not that case stupid! The mystery of who pushed Chloe off the monkey bars!
CHARLIE
Oh that case!
[THEY BOTH SIT DOWN OPPOSITE EACH OTHER ON THE SAME TABLE AND START TO OPEN UP THEIR LUNCH BOXES.]
LUCY
I've written down a schedule. At the moment our main suspects are the bullies because of the marker pen found at the scene of the crime and the gossip girls who were "practising their dance" nearby, so if we separate we're then able to use our time more wisely leaving us...
[CHARLIE GETS DISTRACTED BY A KID ON ANOTHER TABLE CALLED JAMIE WHO IS EATING A PACKET OF SWEETS CALLED 'MARTIAN MELLOWS'.]
CHARLIE
Hey Jamie! I'll swap you my apple for your Martian Mellows!
JAMIE
No way!
LUCY
Charlie, are Martian Mellows more important to you than listening to me?
CHARLIE
Of course they [thinks]...aren't, but have you tasted them? They melt in your mouth and are so sugary! My mate told me they're banned in Japan, after a kid ate one that was so sweet that his leg fell off!
LUCY
[Sarcastic]
Yu-huh! Anyway, Charlie can you for the first time in your life listen and...[Lucy stops talking and looks at Jamie]
CHARLIE
Lucy? I'm listening!
LUCY
Jamie, why haven't you got a chocolate bar in your lunchbox?
JAMIE
No reason?
LUCY
Martian Mellows or no Martian Mellows, every kid in this school usually has at least one piece of chocolate at lunchtime...[SINISTER] unless they ate it at break time?
JAMIE
I didn't have a chocolate bar at break time! Honest!
LUCY
Don't give me that rubbish, who do you take me for? Charlie?
[SWIFT CUTAWAY TO CHARLIE WHO IS ROOTING THROUGH LUCY'S LUNCHBOX WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CRISPS.]
CHARLIE
[Muffled]
Huh?
LUCY
Admit it Jamie, you ate your chocolate bar at break time... but it didn't have the lasting effect as, oh I don't know...the tears of a 10 year old girl!
JAMIE
No!
LUCY
Tell the truth!
[THE SOUND OF COUGHING CAN BE HEARD. IT'S OLIVER THE SCHOOL MONITOR INTERRUPTING LUCY'S SHOUTING. OLIVER IS A POMPOUS LOOKING CHILD, WITH A MIDDLE PARTING HAIR STYLE AND A SMART POSTURE.]
OLIVER
Excuse me Goosey Lucy, but what do you think you're doing?
LUCY
I'm finding out exactly who pushed Chloe off the monkey bars during break time!
OLIVER
Chloe? Oh no! I...I...liked her. She's so pretty! Nearly as pretty as a hallway with no gum on the floor. [OLIVER SIGHS]
CHARLIE
What are you going to do school monitor? I mean its obvious Jamie dropped his wrapper at the scene of the crime, just look how nervous he is.
[SWIFT CUTAWAY TO JAMIE WHO IS NERVOUSLY SHAKING SO MUCH THAT THE TABLE IS ALSO SHAKING, KNOCKING SEVERAL OF THE ITEMS ON THE TABLE TO THE FLOOR.]
OLIVER
Can I have a word with the both of you?
[OLIVER TAKES THE PAIR OF THEM TO ONE SIDE.]
OLIVER
I don't know what you two think you're doing but you're truly embarrassing yourselves! Especially you Lucy!
LUCY
Me? What about crisp face over here?
[SWIFT CUT TO A CLOSE UP ON CHARLIE, WHO AGAIN IS STUFFING HIS FACE WITH CRISPS.]
CHARLIE
[MUFFLED]
Don't look at me!
OLIVER
I assume neither of you know that Jamie has a nut allergy, meaning if he ate even a smidgen of nut he could end up in hospital! So that's why he wouldn't have had a chocolate bar at break time as all chocolate bars contain small traces of nuts.
CHARLIE
[UNCONVINCINGLY] Obviously.
OLIVER
I know this because I suffer from the same allergy meaning I can never taste the wonderful textures of chocolate neither. However, I do
have celery. [OLIVER HOLDS SOME CELERY WHICH HE BLANKLY STARES AT] Every day. Forever. Just me and him.
LUCY
I never knew about the allergy?
OLIVER
No, you didn't! You just went storming in there. You two think you run this school but you don't! I'm the school monitor, I'm the one with the sticker, I'm the one with the power and I'm the one with the respect. Now if you will excuse me...I have a runny nose.
[OLIVER PUTS HIS FINGER TO HIS NOSE. HE TURNS AND LEAVES]
LUCY
I'd love to show him! Wouldn't you Charlie? Charlie?
[CHARLIES IS SPEAKING TO JAMIE, HOLDING LUCY'S LUNCHBOX.]
CHARLIE
I'll offer you one Martian Mellow for all the food from Lucy's lunchbox?
[Scene Ends]
