It worked for me.
Carry the torch Page 2
Cheers Teddy.
Mascot Trials
Boris Johnson and Seb Coe along with the Olympic panel are sitting behind a large table.
A man knocks and enters the room; he is dressed as Oliver Cromwell.
Seb Coe gets the ball rolling;
"Ok so what's your idea for opening these games?"
The man dressed as Oliver Cromwell pulls out a big f**k off sword and then smashes the rooms to bits shouting:
"I will have no idolatry or shameful games, there will be no partly clad harlots leaping beyond what dignity allows, this must all cease!"
Boris Johnson
"He's very realistic I'll give him that!"
For some reason when I was reading that I was thinking of Thomas Cromwell. Much better as Oliver 
HOWZAT
Man in the discus circle coiling up to launch a throw. He spins and launches a mighty one.
V/O: My God, this is his best yet. Sven burger is going to smash his own world record to bits with this throw.
We track the discus through the air some five feet in the air as it is about to land, a big dog leaps up and catches it in his mouth, like a frisbee, and runs away with it.
V/O: Oh. He's not going to like that.
Olympic Selection Committee
LORD COD
Ah, Jack, come in. I've been going
over your qualification results.
Let's see now, shot putt...
Jack smiles.
LORD COD
Three foot six inches...
Jack smiles and nods.
LORD COD
The qualifying distance is
twenty-five feet.
JACK
You felt the weight of them
f**king things, like lead
weights, you should use something
lighter, go a lot further.
Lord Cob sighs.
LORD COD
The hammer.
Jack beams.
LORD COD
A hundred and eighty-seven feet.
JACK
My strongest event.
LORD COD
You didn't let go.
Jack sits quietly.
LORD COD
Javelin, you speared one of the
judges.
JACK
I shouted watch out.
LORD COD
He was standing behind you, Jack.
JACK
Got anything else, I'm a good
runner.
Lord Cod reads the file.
LORD COD
Hmmm, I see you won the London
Marathon in 24m:32s.
JACK
World record.
LORD COD
But you were disqualified.
JACK
Nowt in the rules about using
roller blades. What about
swimming?
LORD COD
Can you swim.
JACK
No.
Lord Cod scribbles across the page.
LORD COD
Look, Jack, I can see you're
keen...
JACK
It's because I'm black isnt it?
LORD COD
You're not black.
JACK
What about tennis?
LORD COD
But you're no fuc...
Lord Cod regains composure.
LORD COD
But you're no good at tennis,
Jack.
JACK
That doesn't stop Andy Murray.
LORD COD
Sorry, Jack, you've tried, but...
Jack ponders.
JACK
Ive got a big cock.
LORD COD
How big?
Jack lobs out.
Lord Cod picks up the phone.
LORD COD
Geoff, listen, did you get anyone
for the pole vault?