Mary Stockbridge.30/05/1925 - 27/03/2001

8 year old Charley is on the sofa at her nanny’s for the day. Nanny is sitting on the armchair knitting away. A big tin of scrummy biscuits are on the coffee table. Grandad is on the other armchair.

Charley
Nanny, can I have a biscuit please.

Nanny
(Clickety click) Those that ask don’t get. Those that don’t ask don’t want.

Charley
Oh. (pouts)

There is silence for 5 minutes

Grandad
Did you want a biscuit charley

Charley
I don’t know how best to answer that question Grandad..

Grandad
Have yourself a biscuit Dear.

Charley reaches for the tin. The clickety clicking noise has stopped. You can hear a pin drop in the room,.Nanny is glaring over her glasses.

Charley
(Scared) Erm! No thank you Grandad. (sits back in the chair, arms folded across her chest)

Grandad
I will go & get you a piece of cake.(Grandad goes off into the kitchen & returns with a mouthwatering chocolate slice)

Nanny
(Clickety click) You can’t have your cake and eat it too

Charley
Oh. (Charley glares at the cake sitting on the plate, licking her lips, nanny is glaring again as she knits. Her eyes boring into Charleys skull) I will maybe eat it later Grandad.

Grandad takes some copper coins out of his pocket & hands them to Charley.

Grandad
Go get yourself something from the shops Dear.

Nanny
(Clickety click) A penny saved is a penny gained.

Charley
(Belly rumbling, glancing at nanny) Its ok Grandad, I will save this money with all the rest you have given me.

Grandad
How is school.

Charley
Well I enjoy maths but I cant…..

Nanny
(Clickity click) No such word as Cant

Charley
And my friend needs……………

Nanny
(Clicking away furiously) A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Charley
Then I tried………………

Nanny
(Steam coming off her needles) No point flogging a dead horse

Charley
So I then ……………………

Nanny
(Screeching, clicking ferociously) Children should be seen & not heard.

Charley
(eyes welling up) What time is my Daddy coming to get me.

Nanny
(Clickety click) Time waits for no man. None, not a sausage.

Charley curls up on the sofa, sucking her thumb watching nannys snooker, listening to clickety clicking in the background. Her belly is screaming.
2 hours later Daddy comes to collect her.

Charley
Daddy Daddy (runs into his arms)

Nanny
Now Peter, I must have a word with you about your daughter.

Daddy
Has she been naughty, glares at Charley.

Nanny
Not at all. But that child hardly speaks, she doesn’t eat. I am worried to death.

lol very good I expected the Nan's head to explode or something it was good work. I'd like to see this as an animation.

I thought that was very very good Charley. Tricky Nanny cleverly portrayed, all the proverbial bits fit and none of it was over-cooked. I wouldn't change anything on that one. Well done!

Your Gran? 76 ... lucky you ... I'll send you some biscuits!!!

Charley that was lovely.

Great characters and I really felt for young Charley.

You had me hooked from beginning to end and I could almost hear the clickety click of the knitting needles.

Very clever. Well done

Making up for lost time?

Did she warn you off men too?

Awwwww! Fankoo everybody.
Yes Losaa my Nanny. She was a scary, adorable, proverb spouting, loving yet hard, woman. I miss her very much.
Glad everyone liked it.
Yes David my Nanny did warn me off men. Things like
"Men are only after one thing & if by chance it is not that one particular thing, then they are pointless. Or
"The best thing about a man is that he is born from a woman.
She was outrageous.
I used to love listening to her send my 79 year old Grandad to his room when she felt he misbehaved.

Charley, I think this is better than most sketches on that there telly. It's vivid, atmospheric and has a warmth about it. My gran just used to leave little maltesers of poo around the house!!! Genius.

Bit like my Gran (but without the proverbs) now long gone. She was the only one who ever used to smack my bum for mis-behaving. Can't remember much about me Mum on the other hand ... Grans is special!

Well done Charley, it's nice to see some range, without you mentioning the unmentionables for once.

Put this is the *keep* pile.

Well done.

Hey charley... this was great! Loved that you didn't use swearing... loved your gran's use of proverbs... and the ending was wonderful. Very funny!

Moooooorrreee!

I commented on the other one of these first Charley. There is definitely something in these two sketches.

Thanks all. See I can do non wudey woo.
Not as enjoyable though.

Edited for....
Thats a lie. I love true life and real characters.